Oct 15, 2026 · 13 min · 13 segments
Your avoidant ex broke up with you, but are they keeping you around as an option, in case they change their mind? In this episode, I explain why avoidants leave relationships they're not 100% sure…
Okay.
So why the heck would they leave if everything was fine? You weren't constantly fighting.
Nobody cheated.
There wasn't some horrible betrayal.
Everything seemed fine, and then suddenly they're telling you, "I need space.
I don't think this is working.
Something doesn't feel right.
I don't know what I want." And you're thinking, "Where the hell did this come from?" Often, it's because the relationship crossed over from their comfort zone into their discomfort zone.
You got closer.
There was more intimacy, more vulnerability.
Maybe things were getting serious.
And instead of enjoying that closeness like most people would, they started feeling uncomfortable because avoidants, if nothing else, are only loyal to their comfort zone.
This is why they can leave at what seems the drop of a hat even after being together for many years.
They wanna get back to where they feel safe again.
And the quickest way to do that? Distance.
But now they have to justify leaving you.
If there wasn't some huge problem, they still need to make sense of why they suddenly want out.
So they start rewriting the story.
They change the narrative.
Little problems become big problems.
Differences become incompatibilities.
The focus on the arguments instead of all the good times.
Things they used to overlook suddenly drive them crazy.
And eventually, they've built a case in their own head for why leaving you was the right decision.
They were the judge, the jury, and now the executioner, and so they leave.
Okay.
So why the heck would they leave if everything was fine? You weren't constantly fighting.
Nobody cheated.
There wasn't some horrible betrayal.
Everything seemed fine, and then suddenly they're telling you, "I need space.
I don't think this is working.
Something doesn't feel right.
I don't know what I want." And you're thinking, "Where the hell did this come from?" Often, it's because the relationship crossed over from their comfort zone into their discomfort zone.
You got closer.
There was more intimacy, more vulnerability.
Maybe things were getting serious.
And instead of enjoying that closeness like most people would, they started feeling uncomfortable because avoidants, if nothing else, are only loyal to their comfort zone.
This is why they can leave at what seems the drop of a hat even after being together for many years.
They wanna get back to where they feel safe again.
And the quickest way to do that? Distance.
But now they have to justify leaving you.
If there wasn't some huge problem, they still need to make sense of why they suddenly want out.
So they start rewriting the story.
They change the narrative.
Little problems become big problems.
Differences become incompatibilities.
The focus on the arguments instead of all the good times.
Things they used to overlook suddenly drive them crazy.
And eventually, they've built a case in their own head for why leaving you was the right decision.
They were the judge, the jury, and now the executioner, and so they leave.
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