Aug 5, 2026 · 9 min · 12 segments
If you're wondering whether your avoidant ex ever thinks about you and if they'll reach out, this episode is for you. I explain why some people stay on an avoidant's mind long after the relationship…
Okay, so people think avoidants become obsessed because someone loved them enough.
No. Avoidants don't start thinking about you because they're given more attention.
They become preoccupied because suddenly they don't know what's happening anymore.
The human brain is not designed to obsess over things it's already figured out.
It obsesses over unanswered questions.
Open loops, as I talked about in my video on the seven reasons why no contact works on everyone.
So think about the last time that you couldn't remember someone's name.
The harder you tried to stop thinking about it, the more it bothered you, right? And then the moment you remembered, phew, your brain let it go.
So psychologists call this the Zeigarnik effect, and that means that our minds stay engaged with things that feel unfinished, unresolved, uncertain.
And relationships work the same way.
If an avoidant feels like they already know exactly where you stand, how you feel, what you're going to do next, then their brain h- doesn't have much work to do.
But when that certainty disappears, then their mind naturally starts trying to fill in the blanks.
Okay, so people think avoidants become obsessed because someone loved them enough.
No. Avoidants don't start thinking about you because they're given more attention.
They become preoccupied because suddenly they don't know what's happening anymore.
The human brain is not designed to obsess over things it's already figured out.
It obsesses over unanswered questions.
Open loops, as I talked about in my video on the seven reasons why no contact works on everyone.
So think about the last time that you couldn't remember someone's name.
The harder you tried to stop thinking about it, the more it bothered you, right? And then the moment you remembered, phew, your brain let it go.
So psychologists call this the Zeigarnik effect, and that means that our minds stay engaged with things that feel unfinished, unresolved, uncertain.
And relationships work the same way.
If an avoidant feels like they already know exactly where you stand, how you feel, what you're going to do next, then their brain h- doesn't have much work to do.
But when that certainty disappears, then their mind naturally starts trying to fill in the blanks.
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