Don’t Screw It Up When Your Ex Comes Back

okay so one of the things i hear a lot from my clients is lucia if my ex comes back we're going to take it slow sure you are you know what usually happens they take it slow for a week maybe two and then suddenly they're texting all day spending every weekend together acting like the breakup never happened and before you know it they're right back where they started Getting back together doesn't mean you should immediately go back to the relationship you had before.

That relationship is over.

This is a new relationship.

And everyone knows that you should never jump into a new relationship.

And if you didn't know that, well, now you do.

so before you even consider getting back together there are six questions you need to ask your ex and i've discussed them many times and i have a whole video on that titled the six questions to ask your ex when they want you back and i'll put the link in the upper right hand corner on youtube and those questions are a test to see how serious your ex is about getting back together to make sure they weren't just temporarily feeling nostalgic or missing you when they reached out.

So your ex needs to give you great answers to those questions, not just good answers, great answers.

And if they're not willing to do that, if nothing's changed, then taking things slow is not going to magically fix the relationship.

You are just delaying the inevitable.

There will most likely be another breakup.

Then, if you do decide to get back together, you start thinking about pacing, and that's where Robert Greene comes in.

So, in The Art of Seduction, he talks about how absence and anticipation influence attraction.

And this is about what happens when your ex comes back.

You've been waiting for this moment, and now suddenly there they are.

So you want to make up for lost time.

You start texting every day.

You want to see them as often as possible.

You make yourself available whenever they want.

And before you know it, you've eliminated all the space that existed between you.

But consider this.

Just because someone missed you, doesn't mean they're ready for constant closeness those are two completely different things and that's especially true if your ex has an avoidant attachment style so do not go from zero to a hundred overnight give the connection some room to breathe anticipation is a powerful part of attraction because that's when people get the dopamine hit not when they see you but when they anticipate seeing you so do not them of their dopamine hit, of their little drug, otherwise you'll regret it.