Ep. 47: Bahareh Sahebi

So I guess I wonder, how do you manage the balance of kind of attending to clients' unique stories and idiosyncratic experiences while also kind of paying attention to the influence of systems and broader political movements?

Yeah, I think the best way to... discuss that is what changed for me clinically.

That was the first thing that I had to notice.

And I do a lot of these reflections through my writing in order for me to be able to get to where I need to be.

So before, I believed I needed to compartmentalize more.

I worked hard to keep my own emotional experiences outside of the room.

I viewed my reactions primarily as countertransference or self of the therapist stuff to manage on my own and be able to take breaks and not check the news before this workday, things like that.

That's what I used to do.

Now, I intentionally acknowledge my own emotional reality before sessions rather than pretending it isn't there.

I ask myself what belongs to me, what belongs to the client, and what belongs to the larger system because most of the things belong to the larger system that they've infiltrated into what we're experiencing.

And I focus less on eliminating my humanity per se and more on understanding how it's influencing me in the very present moment, emotionally, perception, in any regard.

And I've become more comfortable tolerating that uncertainty rather than rushing toward reassurance or solutions for myself.

I was good at doing that for the client's needs.

But I wasn't really good at that for myself.

I was constantly trying to be able to leave it outside of the therapy room and be able to just pretend like it's not there, compartmentalize, code switch, do whatever it needs to.

And it just wasn't working in some regards.

And now I feel a lot more present because I'm pointing out, talking about what is the client's, what is mine, and what is in the larger system that is mine.

coming into the therapy room for both of us.

And once I accepted that therapists like myself are shaped by the larger system too in the present moment as events are ongoing, I became curious about what other systems were actually doing to all of us.

That naturally led me to think more deeply about my own nervous system, the therapist's nervous system and what's really happening there.

And when you say point out what belongs to me and belongs to them, is that something you're doing like privately yourself or like explicitly with the client?

That's a good question.

I start off just kind of checking in with myself to see that arrangement and where everything belongs.

But there are times where I vocalize it in the session, either toward the end of the session or in the middle of the session when I see that there are certain things happening.

Like I said, you know, she's checking her phone and I'm feeling nervous and I'm paying attention to my nervous system and those attachments that are at play for both of us.