The Patterns We Learn: Attachment Styles, Infidelity, and the Road Back

Before revealing my quiz results, Bev wanted to hear about my childhood story.

I'd like to hear just a snippet about your story because I know that you on your platform have been very honest about your relationship and some of the things that transpired.

If we can get a really brief snippet, I could probably pick up on which attachment style you are before you give away your results.

So let's see how that goes.

Okay.

I grew up in a home where my father was just emotionally distant, disconnected.

He was gone a lot, but even when he was home, I mean, I never saw him connected to anybody, even my mom.

She's later told me I've never really felt connected or close to your father.

So that was on that side of it.

My mom, because of her growing up, learned to use emotion in a kind of manipulative way.

When things weren't going her way or when something was disappointing her, it would come out in strong emotion, crying, very overly emotionally, like big, big emotional responses to things so that I would feel growing up like, oh...

I'm disappointing mom or hurting mom, and I don't want to do that.

And so I would adapt to, you know, be the good kid.

I mean, by the time I was in high school, I recognized that it felt manipulative.

It felt needy.

And I resented it.

You know, I kind of held that inside, but I resented that response from mom.

Why did you resent it?

Because it felt manipulative.

It didn't feel honest.

It didn't feel safe.

No, it didn't feel safe.

No.

The day I came home in high school and she had found an adult book under my mattress, you know, her response to that was head down on the kitchen table, sobbing like, oh, what's wrong? By that time, I'm going, OK, I'm embarrassed you found that thing.

But really, we have to deal with it like that, this big rush of emotion.