Bonus: Beyond Infidelity

Lauren had been practicing as a therapist for seven years when she discovered her husband's affair.

She writes about that morning in the opening pages of her book.

And one of the first things she admits is that none of her training protected her.

She was as unprepared for it as anyone I've ever sat with.

What came after was a year of uncertainty and then a divorce that her attorney described as among the worst he'd handled.

Then the work of figuring out how to live a life she hadn't chosen.

She came out of that experience doing two things.

She kept practicing, working now with betrayed spouses, with unfaithful spouses, and even with affair partners.

And she started writing publicly about an experience most people go through in silence.

That writing found an audience fast, which tells you something about how many people are out there carrying this experience on their own.

Beyond Infidelity is the book she says she wished she had when she was struggling on the other side of her betrayal.

There are a couple things you should know about the book before reading it.

First, the book is written to the betrayed partner.

Lauren says so directly in her opening pages.

If you're the one who broke trust in your marriage, this book is an address to you.

That doesn't mean that there's nothing in it for you.

I'd argue that there's a great deal, and I'd argue that reading something written to a person you hurt is its own kind of work.

But you should know the audience she's writing for.

Second, the book is about growth on the other side of betrayal.

Lauren is careful and intentional about how she approaches this topic.

She's not saying that the affair was a gift.

She's saying that what a person chooses to build afterward might become one.

Those are very different claims, and she doesn't confuse them.

But I know some of you are just a few weeks out from discovery.

If that's you, and any language about growth or gifts feels like an insult today, I get it.