Something Heavy: A Memoir on Childhood Trauma and Complex PTSD
Sep 13, 2026 · 15 min · 8 segments
Hello world... This week's episode is a dive into how trauma lying forms and how I've picked up on my patterns of lying to protect myself or to entertain friends.
Toby SearcyHost
I kind of had an epiphany the other night when I was out having dinner and drinks with somebody.
And that brought me this topic for today on today's episode is the idea of lying.
And so lying and complex PTSD, from what I've talked to you about in the past with therapist Hannah, is essentially just a protective survival strategy.
And it's not used for manipulation, but more so just automatic response of this is the best way I can protect myself.
And I wasn't lying, not to be dishonest, but I never lied about things that I labeled as important.
A lot of embarrassments of like just shame of stuff where I'd rather just lie than possibly to sit in the shame of anything.
There's multiple reasons why it happens, like lying and just happens with complex PTSD.
And like childhood conditioning is one of them where being honest can lead to very harsh punishments.
criticisms emotional rejection where like the child brain my brain especially learned that hiding the truth equates to safety and telling the truth was scary for me as a kid because all i knew was fear like my parents especially my father led by fear and there's no safe space or any type of way to regulate my emotions where i felt okay to tell the truth And so I lied for protection a lot.
I kind of had an epiphany the other night when I was out having dinner and drinks with somebody.
And that brought me this topic for today on today's episode is the idea of lying.
And so lying and complex PTSD, from what I've talked to you about in the past with therapist Hannah, is essentially just a protective survival strategy.
And it's not used for manipulation, but more so just automatic response of this is the best way I can protect myself.
And I wasn't lying, not to be dishonest, but I never lied about things that I labeled as important.
A lot of embarrassments of like just shame of stuff where I'd rather just lie than possibly to sit in the shame of anything.
There's multiple reasons why it happens, like lying and just happens with complex PTSD.
And like childhood conditioning is one of them where being honest can lead to very harsh punishments.
criticisms emotional rejection where like the child brain my brain especially learned that hiding the truth equates to safety and telling the truth was scary for me as a kid because all i knew was fear like my parents especially my father led by fear and there's no safe space or any type of way to regulate my emotions where i felt okay to tell the truth And so I lied for protection a lot.
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