Jul 24, 2026 · 21 min · 10 segments
I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Kaz Jack, a Registered Manager with Pebbles Care, based in Penrith, a town close to the English–Scottish border. In this conversation, we explore the…
Kaz JackGuestJoeHostSo thinking about relationships, why do relationships heal trauma when potentially traditional relationships or traditional behaviour management approaches don't?
So if we think about it, I think there used to be, you know, the consensus that these children were broken and needed to be fixed, you know, or their behaviour was unacceptable.
And that's where behaviour management was very much part of the agenda of residential childcare.
I think with actually understanding you know, what these children have been through, what they've experienced, you know, behaviour management has not been the issue.
You know, if you think about neglect and physical abuse and things like that, a lot of it, and this is not coming from a place of criticism for some parents, you know, I fully am a believer of intergenerational trauma as well.
They've experienced, you know, punishment and control and all the other things that have shaped who they are.
When you bring in relationships and you focus on creating felt safety and belonging and acceptance, it reduces that shame cycle that they're stuck in.
And it's about really recognising and celebrating and empowering them in positive and healthy ways.
So just in terms of relationships, in what way do the staff and yourself build relationships with children and young people within your particular house?
I think initially, you know, I'm very much a massive believer in connection before correction.
I used to say to teams, you know, if I was to come in here and tell you, actually, you're doing all this wrong, I'm not going to give you much information, just do what I tell you.
what would your response to me be? And we were all straight away, you know, if they're honest, it was the big get lost, you know, but in stronger language.
You know, they've had all these failed and broken relationships before, but now you're expecting them to do as you say.
You know, you need to spend the time getting to know them, actually, that they matter to you as they are.
So thinking about relationships, why do relationships heal trauma when potentially traditional relationships or traditional behaviour management approaches don't?
So if we think about it, I think there used to be, you know, the consensus that these children were broken and needed to be fixed, you know, or their behaviour was unacceptable.
And that's where behaviour management was very much part of the agenda of residential childcare.
I think with actually understanding you know, what these children have been through, what they've experienced, you know, behaviour management has not been the issue.
You know, if you think about neglect and physical abuse and things like that, a lot of it, and this is not coming from a place of criticism for some parents, you know, I fully am a believer of intergenerational trauma as well.
They've experienced, you know, punishment and control and all the other things that have shaped who they are.
When you bring in relationships and you focus on creating felt safety and belonging and acceptance, it reduces that shame cycle that they're stuck in.
And it's about really recognising and celebrating and empowering them in positive and healthy ways.
So just in terms of relationships, in what way do the staff and yourself build relationships with children and young people within your particular house?
I think initially, you know, I'm very much a massive believer in connection before correction.
I used to say to teams, you know, if I was to come in here and tell you, actually, you're doing all this wrong, I'm not going to give you much information, just do what I tell you.
what would your response to me be? And we were all straight away, you know, if they're honest, it was the big get lost, you know, but in stronger language.
You know, they've had all these failed and broken relationships before, but now you're expecting them to do as you say.
You know, you need to spend the time getting to know them, actually, that they matter to you as they are.
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