Close Quarters Combat

So we're gonna skim the surface of close quarters combat simply because it's a horrible topic to talk about.

Um, let's get one thing straight right off the bat.

Knife fighting is bullshit.

Um, all you guys that practice knife fighting and do all this knife fighting shit, it's for nothing, because people like me, I'm too old for that shit.

I got a gun.

You pull a knife, I'm gonna shoot your ass.

Um, you stab me, I'm still gonna shoot your ass.

You stab me, you walk away, I'm gonna shoot your ass.

You come walking up to me with a knife, I'm gonna shoot your ass.

You come walking up to me and say, "I got a knife," before you say you're gonna use it, I'm gonna shoot your ass.

You should see a theme here.

That's because it's, it's the way it's gonna be.

I'm not gonna play around with someone with a knife.

If I got some big Shrek-looking hulking guy coming at me in a hallway saying he's gonna kick my ass, I'm gonna shoot his ass.

Um, I'm not gonna die at the hands of a lunatic.

I'm not gonna die at the hands at someb- of somebody with a knife.

Um, the comical part is, probably not me, but when I was younger, I probably could have taken your knife away from you and used it against you.

Um, but I don't have to worry about that anymore.

.45 will stop anything in its tracks.

I, I don't give a shit.

That'll stop a rhino.

So, and they're gonna...

And then there's somebody's gonna chime in and say, "No, technically rhino skin," and you know what? Kiss my ass.

You know what I meant.

All right? So we're gonna talk about close quarters combat.