620: Husband Still Drinking? Stop Trying to Fix Him and Do This Instead

So I think a good place to start for this would be why do alcoholics even, like when we think of the term alcoholic, a lot of times people associate an alcoholic with like living underneath of a bridge, um, you know, carrying around a brown paper bag type situation, homeless or, you know, um, but the, the truth is, is that alcoholism can be amongst any family.

And, uh, you know, Understanding why people drink the way that they drink, I think, is a good, at least foundational part because it plays into everything else.

I know from my perspective with working with families, a lot of times one of the messages that I try to portray to them is alcohol is their solution to things.

It's not they're not doing it just because I mean, they're doing it because they like the way that it makes them feel.

But it's ultimately their solution.

When they're angry, they drink.

When we're happy, we drink.

When we're sad, we drink.

When the day ends in Y, we drink.

We find any excuse in the book to drink develops into alcoholism.

It's our number one coping skill for absolutely everything.

So it makes sense.

If it's our solution to everything, if it's our solution to all of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions that we have on a daily basis, you remove that.

Our solution... what do you have left? You have an angry, frustrated, you know, person, you know? So, I mean, we have to start there and understand why people drink in general, the way that they do.

Yeah.

I'll throw this out there too.

And it really seeps over to the spouse or the loved one where like, they end up all the same things, angry, frustrated, et cetera.

And I just want to throw this out there real quick before we move forward is like, I want to say very clearly, people that are affected by active alcoholism and addiction, in my opinion, have every right to be angry for the consequences that they're suffering as a result of the actions of their loved one that's actively drinking, drugging, whatever the case is, or even if they just got sober and that person's still a jerk.

You have every right to be angry, but moving towards a solution, take a step back and And say, like, okay, how long am I going to stay angry to where it's no longer productive? Like, because being angry about the situation doesn't move the needle in the right direction.

And that's, like, where people like us come in, like, and having, like, a third party that's not emotionally tied to the situation come in and say, look...

You have every right to be angry, but let's pause for a second and try and figure out like strategically from a let's start using logic.

Let's start not using our heart, using our brain.

Like, how can we move the needle forward? And that's what I think a lot of families have a hard time doing is taking a step back and being like, OK, I had my anger.

I let it out.

But, you know, you're justified in that.