Oct 7, 2026 · 32 min · 14 segments
Dive into the eerie and captivating world of "Quiet Please." This iconic radio show from the golden age of radio offers a unique blend of horror, mystery, and drama that will keep you on the edge of…
[suspenseful music] I wouldn't be caught in an alley with a derby hat or with one of those light snap-brimmed ones, either.
Look, you know what this thing is? It's an automatic pistol.
It's not a rod, a roscoe, or a heater.
You know where I keep it? In my desk drawer.
I can't speak Chinese.
I think most policemen are very nice fellows, very efficient, generally courteous, almost always intelligent.
I get along with them beautifully.
I don't know any stool pigeons.
I have never hit a woman in my life.
Nobody has ever called me a private eye or a, a shamus or however you pronounce it, and I do not indulge in rapid-fire slang.
Oh, and for your information, a pistol does not go kachow.
I will now fire a pistol so you can see.
This is how a pistol sounds.
[pistol fires] You probably could put that sound into words, but I submit that it definitely would not be kachow.
Would it? Well?
Fool.
[sighs] I must admit, I do have a secretary.
Uh, Mrs. Radabaugh.
Well?
Come in, Mrs. Radabaugh.
Well?
This is my secretary, Mrs. Radabaugh.
What do you want?
Mrs. Radabaugh, how many jewel robberies have I solved?
Ha.
[suspenseful music] I wouldn't be caught in an alley with a derby hat or with one of those light snap-brimmed ones, either.
Look, you know what this thing is? It's an automatic pistol.
It's not a rod, a roscoe, or a heater.
You know where I keep it? In my desk drawer.
I can't speak Chinese.
I think most policemen are very nice fellows, very efficient, generally courteous, almost always intelligent.
I get along with them beautifully.
I don't know any stool pigeons.
I have never hit a woman in my life.
Nobody has ever called me a private eye or a, a shamus or however you pronounce it, and I do not indulge in rapid-fire slang.
Oh, and for your information, a pistol does not go kachow.
I will now fire a pistol so you can see.
This is how a pistol sounds.
[pistol fires] You probably could put that sound into words, but I submit that it definitely would not be kachow.
Would it? Well?
Fool.
[sighs] I must admit, I do have a secretary.
Uh, Mrs. Radabaugh.
Well?
Come in, Mrs. Radabaugh.
Well?
This is my secretary, Mrs. Radabaugh.
What do you want?
Mrs. Radabaugh, how many jewel robberies have I solved?
Ha.
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