The Lessons You Keep From an Imperfect Dad

Before we get into these life lessons, let me tell you a little bit about my own dad and what got me thinking about this.

Honestly, I don't feel like I can say I had a complicated relationship with my dad.

I think he was a good person, but he had his struggles, for sure, real ones.

And I think he tried to be a good person, but he definitely was not the father that I needed him to be in most of the ways that counted.

I liked my dad.

He was generally good-natured, high energy, and fun to be around.

But I also knew that he was unreliable and you couldn't count on him for much.

If you grew up with a dad like that, then you know it's possible to love someone and still at the same time be honest about who they are.

He cared very much about how he showed up.

He believed that you put yourself together before you walked out the door.

that the way you presented yourself is a kind of self-respect, and he drilled it into me to never half-ass anything.

If you're going to do a thing, you do it right, all the way, and to the best of your ability.

And then there are the lessons that I learned from the other side of him, from his struggles and his mistakes, the ones he wasn't trying to teach me, but that turned out to be just as important.

Watching where he fell short taught me a lot about the kind of person and especially the kind of parent that I wanted to be and how I want to show up for my own kids, how I want to be remembered by them and remembered by the people that I love.

And sometimes the people who hurt us end up teaching us exactly who we don't want to become.

And I suppose that's its own kind of gift in a way, even when it doesn't feel like one.

But here's the thing I've made my peace with.

Even a father who got a lot wrong can hand you something worth keeping.

And when I really sit and think about it, there are a few things from my dad that are woven into who I am today.

And however the lessons were learned, I'm grateful for them.

And I believe the best way to honor what someone taught you is to keep that lesson with you and to continue using it.

In my experience, the lessons from our moms usually came from connection, talking, comforting, more of the emotional stuff.

But the lessons from our dads, for a lot of us, involved less talking.

They were something that we observed.

Your standards, how you carry yourself, how you finish a job.