Proof of Life with Preston Rakovsky
Jun 23, 2026 · 42 min · 16 segments
Timm Chiusano, who's been married 21 years, explains why the instinct to protect your relationship, building a safe little room around it and shutting the doors, might be the exact thing slowly…
Preston RakovskyHost
Most people in relationships try to create a safe space where both people feel comfortable, but you see it differently.
You don't think about creating a safe space, you think about creating more space.
Before we kind of talk about that, can you walk me through, what is the problem with creating a safe space in a relationship?
You're gonna try to create something that is too precious and too protected, and you're gonna mismanage your expectations.
You're gonna put yourself in a position where you're limiting your own life and your own world.
... because then you're crafting a narrative that is more based off of protecting versus trying to expand and grow.
but when you create too much of a safe space, you're trying to put the other person into a bubble or a box that may not be them, may not give them an opportunity to truly find out who they can be wholeheartedly as you grow, 'cause you should never stop growing.
And you're just n- you're not gonna be able to truly see what the relationship can become from a manifestation perspective.
You're, you're actually limiting it, right? It's almost like the same in sports to a certain extent.
It's like, you're, are you playing to l- not to lose, or are you playing to [laughs] win, to a certain extent? It feels crude to put that into a analogy with a relationship, but I wholeheartedly agree.
Like, we have to do all..." Yes, you wanna protect your world and your life, but if you're playing to not lose in your relationship versus putting yourself in a position where you can actually grow and encourage the other person to be the best version of themselves, inherently throughout the course of the entire relationship, that's where the magic happens.
The safe space is where you mismanage your expectations and you potentially fuck it up because you're, like, trying to be too precious with this thing.
I think once you're attached, it's so easy to do anything to protect that, right?
Most people in relationships try to create a safe space where both people feel comfortable, but you see it differently.
You don't think about creating a safe space, you think about creating more space.
Before we kind of talk about that, can you walk me through, what is the problem with creating a safe space in a relationship?
You're gonna try to create something that is too precious and too protected, and you're gonna mismanage your expectations.
You're gonna put yourself in a position where you're limiting your own life and your own world.
... because then you're crafting a narrative that is more based off of protecting versus trying to expand and grow.
but when you create too much of a safe space, you're trying to put the other person into a bubble or a box that may not be them, may not give them an opportunity to truly find out who they can be wholeheartedly as you grow, 'cause you should never stop growing.
And you're just n- you're not gonna be able to truly see what the relationship can become from a manifestation perspective.
You're, you're actually limiting it, right? It's almost like the same in sports to a certain extent.
It's like, you're, are you playing to l- not to lose, or are you playing to [laughs] win, to a certain extent? It feels crude to put that into a analogy with a relationship, but I wholeheartedly agree.
Like, we have to do all..." Yes, you wanna protect your world and your life, but if you're playing to not lose in your relationship versus putting yourself in a position where you can actually grow and encourage the other person to be the best version of themselves, inherently throughout the course of the entire relationship, that's where the magic happens.
The safe space is where you mismanage your expectations and you potentially fuck it up because you're, like, trying to be too precious with this thing.
I think once you're attached, it's so easy to do anything to protect that, right?
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