Parenting: Difficulty with toilet training

A listener says, I hope you don't mind me writing in.

I'm a regular listener and I'm really struggling with something at the moment.

And could you use your professional perspective from your parenting expert? I'm a working mum with two daughters aged four and two.

Both have been in childcare since they were one, as my husband and I both need to work full time.

My four-year-old has always been a wonderfully confident, high energy, lively little girl, headstrong and independent in ways we've genuinely admired, even if it made discipline a challenge.

She's always been remarkably unbothered by being told off, which caregivers and we found both exasperating and in some ways impressive.

She moved to a new school last September, which offers preschool as well as before and after school care, essential for us as we haven't been able to find a local childminder.

Her teacher noted that she tests boundaries and struggles when other children don't play on her terms, but overall the feedback has been positive, with her independence seen as a strength to work with rather than something to suppress.

She's very much a high-energy child.

She tends to play with the boys, loves rough and tumble, and can go from calm to completely overwhelmed with excitement very quickly.

This summer, she attended a full-time camp.

Towards the end, we were told she had hit several children, including punching a boy and causing a nosebleed.

She also hit a counsellor with a stick, and when threatened with being sent home, her response was essentially, "'Fine, I want to go home.'" We put it down to end of summer fatigue, took a week off, tried a different, shorter camp with better results.

When she returned to the original camp this week, I received a call asking me to collect her immediately.

She had hit five children, initially claiming they had hit her first, before eventually admitting it was unprovoked.

The final incident involved her repeatedly climbing on a counsellor, Ignoring multiple requests to stop and then accidentally striking the counsellor in the eye with her jacket while swinging it.

She has been banned from the camp for all future terms.

Our only full-time daycare option out of school time, which is a significant problem for us practically.

When I tried to gently ask her about the hitting at home, her response was, I like hitting, it makes me feel happy.

I genuinely don't know what to think.

Is this the development behaviour she'll grow through? Is it a response to long unstructured days without rest? Or is it a sign of something that needs professional assessment and support? I also carry a lot of guilt.

I'm stretched thin between work and parenting and I worry that she's somehow picking up on my stress.

I'd be so great for any guidance on whether I should be seeking a referral and if so, where to even start.

Thank you so much for reading this for I know it's a long one.

Concerned mum.