#113 The Hidden Cost of Being a High Achiever with Julia Starr

So in some ways, you were making decisions more in line with your values rather than, you know, the corporate, uh, hustle, and goals, and the ladder, et cetera.

Yeah, yeah, exactly, and my values at the time.

And our values, to a degree, our priorities and our values might shift over time, and she was able to show me what was really most important to me at that phase of my life.

Um, and that was incredibly helpful and the right thing for me.

[smacks lips] So you said, um, you've used the words kind of high achiever mentality.

I would love for you to...

And you kind of briefly mentioned who you work with.

Could you really get a bit more specific with, um, the type of person that you work with, what they struggle with, why they come to you specifically, like w- and what, what state they're in, um, when they do come to you?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, so most of the people I work with are accustomed to being the best [laughs] in whatever context that they're in.

And of course, most people start out in an academic context, and so from an early age they probably have, have done well academically.

And then the next logical step is how do I get into the best college or university? From there, the quote, unquote, "best" or most competitive, um, is also kind of the equivalent of the best employer and then best business school, et cetera.

Um, so they're people who are accustomed to being really accomplished and really at the top of their field, um, whatever it might be.

Uh, many of them go into finance, tech, or consulting.

Those are kind of the big three industries that I typically work with, um, just because those are kind of propped up as, as the most recognized fields for people to pursue post undergrad, especially from really competitive undergrads.

Um, [smacks lips] and, and usually they come to me when they've gotten to a point in their career where there isn't a next logical milestone for them to hit, 'cause they've kind of hit every single one on that path, right? Best college, best post-grad job, best graduate program, best post-grad [laughs] job.

And then they get to a certain point, maybe two to five years after graduate school or maybe 10 years post grad, where they're looking for that next milestone and they're realizing there is, there is nothing that's defined for them that is the next thing to compete for and, and to achieve, and that can be a really disorienting place to be.

And if they're, uh, dissatisfied with the work that they're doing and maybe they're feeling, um, the rub, so to speak, in their personal lives 'cause they're working a lot, or they're wanting to start a family and they're realizing this isn't, this isn't compatible with that design and what they want to prioritize.

Maybe their health is impacted.

Um, I have people who come to me with burnout, um, you know, anxiety, inability to sleep, like other kind of symptoms like that, and they're just trying to make meaning of it.

They're trying to understand, like, "Hey," like, "this is the path that I've always thought I would pursue.

I'm really good at it.

I'm probably making really good money, and, uh, it's not working for me anymore.

And I don't really have anything external to orient myself to, so I'm realizing I need some help.

Like, [laughs] I need someone to help me create a new framework by which I can make a decision about what to do with my career."