The Blamer

Welcome back to Mother Centered.

Happy to have you here listening today and hopefully feeling ready to get to know some of your parts a little better.

I focus on mom parts on this show, and those are the parts of us that are sort of universal, kind of archetypal.

Most moms are familiar with the 29 parts that I name in my book and that I discuss here on this podcast.

Today we get to talk about blamer parts with a colleague of mine, Hannah Enright.

Hannah and I get to explore more about this part that does the blaming.

And, you know, what I really notice with this blamer is that it's kind of got a strategy for dealing with shame.

And shame is such a big deal in human beings.

We just all have some and hate it and feel kind of undone by it.

Either you know, it moves us to like defend ourselves or collapse.

It's a really heavy duty, physiological and psychological, maybe in some ways, spiritual experience that is of great interest to me.

The blamer is one of our parts that tries to kind of projectile vomit it out of our system, keep it as far away as possible.

And it was really fun chatting with Hannah about her experience with her own blamer part.

Hannah is a clinical social worker who has over 20 years of experience working with women in support of reproductive and maternal mental health, as well as providing clinical services for children and families in community settings and private practice programs.

She's certified in EMDR and the Safe and Sound Protocol and has also studied IFS, polyvagal theory, and somatic practices.

She's got a huge wealth of knowledge and skill, and she's such a joy to spend time with.

I've gotten to know her over the past couple of years.

I hope that you and the parts of you that do the dirty work of Blaming Others.

Enjoy this episode and get something out of it.

The blamer feels shame and tries to help you offload the bad feeling by projecting it outward onto someone else.

It's obvious to this part that someone is in the wrong and it doesn't want that someone to be you.

The The blamer is a young child who sees the world in black and white.

It has a lightning-quick reactive response when it's been perceived or portrayed as bad, guilty, or unlikable.

Not yet knowing that it's safe to witness other people's disappointment without feeling at fault? or that it's safe to get to know your own shame, the blamer is like an aggressive goalie who keeps kicking the ball back out of your goal.

By continually lobbing it back at someone else, the blamer unintentionally affirms the shame of your tender, wounded parts, who really just want to be seen and held and forgiven by the one person whose opinion truly matters to them now, you.