E236: What Actually Makes a Birth Feel Positive?

Yeah.

And I, I think it's just that thing, it was almost by just thinking through, and like this didn't take long, you know.

I don't, wouldn't want people to think that we were sat there for hours and hours preparing this document and, you know, thinking almost obsessively about what could happen.

It was more that it was just a sort of mental dress rehearsal for the event, and it kind of meant that when we were then in it, we knew what questions to ask about, you know, what are the alternatives? What else could we do? Can we wait and see at this point? We never felt rushed because I think we'd done that- Preparation with, with you and the team about, you know, how to approach those kind of conversations.

So that was a real eye-opening moment, I think, when we, we wrote down those different scenarios and how we'd want our environment to feel and what we'd want, you know, what I'd want Joe to do at that point, potentially, although obviously that can change during labor.

Um, and we wrote these things out, and I didn't feel a shred of alarm or fear.

I just, we just, it felt really matter of fact.

Mm-hmm.

Like, okay, this is, this is what we'll do, but we'll be flexible in the moment.

And it just felt really kind of, yeah, calm and, and confident at that point, which was amazing.

Yeah.

I don't think we made any decisions based on fear-

Yeah

... which is something that sometimes I think, um, if you don't know what something is, y- you're probably going to shy away from it just because you're worried about what could happen.

But because we kind of knew what every eventuality was, um, having looked into it and, and having followed some of the content on YPJ, it just meant that we were always making an informed choice rather than just kind of guessing or shying away from something.

Yeah, absolutely.

And that's so right, actually, like what you both explained in terms of that fear often comes from not having that knowledge and information, and actually often as well, it's from external sources.

So whether it's like the horror story birth that you saw online or friends' or family's experiences, and actually when we unpick what's behind that and actually empower families, like you say, you can then beautifully make an informed choice.

And I think, I know you, you gave us a, an alluding spoiler that we, your birth with Lola was an emergency or an unplanned cesarean birth, but actually it was really positive and empowering.

And I think what such a powerful take home message from that is, as a midwife, I've supported so many families, and I've heard from so many families, and the thing that dictates whether a birth is positive or not positive or traumatic is actually very rarely the mode of birth.

Because we see loads of families that on paper had a very straightforward physiological birth, but in their eyes, that was a really traumatic experience.

And then we can have families like you guys who had an unplanned cesarean section, which many might think, "Gosh, that sounds really traumatic." But actually you're like, "No, it was really positive, and we made really enormous decisions together that felt solid and informed and empowering." And so actually things, you know, that we might assume cause trauma or cause positive feelings and outcomes, that's not always the case.

It often comes down to the way that you felt and the way you were able to navigate that experience, which is what I think, like you guys just did so, so, like am- amazingly well.

[lip smack] In terms of preparation, because like you said, you did a lot and you started early.

You started in that first trimester, which I always advocate for.