Connection

We have experience connecting, sometimes effectively, other times not.

For autistics, it can be particularly challenging.

Connection requires communication.

Autism's diagnostic criteria includes persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction.

If connection was easy for us, we would be non-autistic.

As autistics, we have our own way of connecting.

We move carefully as we navigate the process of social interaction with another person.

With someone I don't know, I prefer to connect, at least at first, if it's possible, on an intellectual rather than emotional level.

There are challenges I've found with connecting, such as uncertainty of how to go about it, thinking I have to know what the other person wants before I take a step in their direction, knowing what to say, going from a casual interaction to a deeper one too soon or not at all.

The beginning of any friendship or relationship is stressful for me.

It's something new.

The person is new.

There's a long learning curve for me to feel like I know them.

What can you do if you're having trouble connecting? I find messages and emails to be a good way for an autistic person to get to know someone and find commonalities.

We can talk about special interests and ask about theirs.

We can reread the emails to better understand what's being said.

We can even research before responding.

Talking with someone by email is a connection.

We know what it means to be of like mind.

When we can talk with someone like us, someone who enjoys intellectual conversation, an emotional bond is forming, although perhaps not at a conscious level.

The more you both enjoy talking about things that interest you, the more you connect.

In the law, we use a term, appreciate the risk, which means being fully aware of the risk and moving forward with that knowledge.

For example, did a buyer appreciate the risk of purchasing a house that's a fixer-upper? We can do the same.

We can understand that as autistics, we're at a greater risk of rejection or criticism.

We can move forward anyway.