40 - The SWAT Officer Who Didn't Feel Safe at Home with Brotherhood Member Steve Anders

So let's, um, let's go back to before you joined the container.

Um, tell me what was going on in your life, what was happening for you, um, before you came to us.

So, uh, working in the, uh, the field that I do, it's ve- a very specialized, uh, field within law enforcement, uh, working a lot of crimes against children, uh-

Mm

... to include, um, child sex abuse material and, uh, human trafficking.

Uh, had a lot of what I've identified as work-related, uh, trauma.

And over the last couple years been doing some personal development and, and work on my own, but a lot of it was more from like leadership standpoint, trying to be a better leader, uh, at work and create a better environment for my team.

Uh, took some of that and, uh, and applied it at home to personal relationships, not as much as I should have.

Mm-hmm.

Um, but then started, uh, really getting involved with doing some, uh, therapy work with some clinicians.

I, I'd done counseling over the years.

My wife and I, you know, had what at the time I would have described as just normal marital, uh, tension and, and stress and thought a lot of it was due to work because of the amount of work that I do and the hours, um, and just the, the, the, the volatility of those hours, you know, uh, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week as the need comes up.

Uh, but none of those, none of those, uh, therapists ever really landed well with me.

It didn't really seem to help.

So, uh, this program that I'm- I've been with locally does a lot of EMDR therapy.

Mm.

Uh, very trauma-informed, but also they are trained in first responder culture.

'Cause unfortunately in the first responder field, whether it's law enforcement, fire rescue, you know, it's-- there's almost a stigma associated with asking for help or reaching out, um, and dealing with, with mental health.

Yet, you know, the different studies have looked at that, um, you know, the average person probably has two to three critical incidents in their life that they, they experience in law enforcement over the, the, uh, the span of a normal career, twenty, twenty-five, thirty years, uh, as well as fire and rescue.

Uh, you know, we're being called to generally the scene of someone's worst day.

Mm-hmm.

That might be one of the worst days for that person or those people that we're coming out to help or assist with, but we do that multiple times a day, day in and day out for years, and so that vicarious trauma, uh, builds up.

Like I said, the average, uh, person in, in a first responder career, uh, probably can, you know, several hundred up to eight or nine hundred critical incidents that build.

So I started looking for, uh, again, that help and a clinician that understood first responder culture as well as was able to bring in the, the trauma-informed aspect of it and doing EMDR.

So as I started working through that and dealing with stuff at work, we started to identify that a lot of my issues and responses and behaviors in my adult life, uh, both at work and personally, were actually rooted in a lot of childhood, uh, traumas and issues and, and how I grew up.

So let's, um, let's go back to before you joined the container.

Um, tell me what was going on in your life, what was happening for you, um, before you came to us.

So, uh, working in the, uh, the field that I do, it's ve- a very specialized, uh, field within law enforcement, uh, working a lot of crimes against children, uh-

Mm

... to include, um, child sex abuse material and, uh, human trafficking.

Uh, had a lot of what I've identified as work-related, uh, trauma.

And over the last couple years been doing some personal development and, and work on my own, but a lot of it was more from like leadership standpoint, trying to be a better leader, uh, at work and create a better environment for my team.

Uh, took some of that and, uh, and applied it at home to personal relationships, not as much as I should have.

Mm-hmm.

Um, but then started, uh, really getting involved with doing some, uh, therapy work with some clinicians.

I, I'd done counseling over the years.

My wife and I, you know, had what at the time I would have described as just normal marital, uh, tension and, and stress and thought a lot of it was due to work because of the amount of work that I do and the hours, um, and just the, the, the, the volatility of those hours, you know, uh, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week as the need comes up.

Uh, but none of those, none of those, uh, therapists ever really landed well with me.

It didn't really seem to help.

So, uh, this program that I'm- I've been with locally does a lot of EMDR therapy.

Mm.

Uh, very trauma-informed, but also they are trained in first responder culture.

'Cause unfortunately in the first responder field, whether it's law enforcement, fire rescue, you know, it's-- there's almost a stigma associated with asking for help or reaching out, um, and dealing with, with mental health.

Yet, you know, the different studies have looked at that, um, you know, the average person probably has two to three critical incidents in their life that they, they experience in law enforcement over the, the, uh, the span of a normal career, twenty, twenty-five, thirty years, uh, as well as fire and rescue.

Uh, you know, we're being called to generally the scene of someone's worst day.

Mm-hmm.

That might be one of the worst days for that person or those people that we're coming out to help or assist with, but we do that multiple times a day, day in and day out for years, and so that vicarious trauma, uh, builds up.

Like I said, the average, uh, person in, in a first responder career, uh, probably can, you know, several hundred up to eight or nine hundred critical incidents that build.

So I started looking for, uh, again, that help and a clinician that understood first responder culture as well as was able to bring in the, the trauma-informed aspect of it and doing EMDR.

So as I started working through that and dealing with stuff at work, we started to identify that a lot of my issues and responses and behaviors in my adult life, uh, both at work and personally, were actually rooted in a lot of childhood, uh, traumas and issues and, and how I grew up.