The Need To Be Understood - Life Wisdom #60 - Taoism · Life Wisdom - By Words of Taoism · Radar

The Pain of Being Misunderstood1:17 – 5:18

1:17

The conversation ended an hour ago, and you are still in it.

1:23

Perhaps someone close to you asked for a favor, and this time you said you couldn't.

1:30

You were tired and you had been looking forward to an evening with nothing required of you.

1:37

You tried to say it kindly, and they answered, you always find a reason when it's me.

1:45

You explained that it wasn't like that.

1:49

They said they understood in a voice that suggested they had understood something quite different, and the conversation came to an end.

2:01

What troubles you is quite specific.

2:04

You could bear their disappointment.

2:07

You wish you could have helped, and you understand that hearing no was unwelcome.

2:14

What feels much harder to leave alone is the thought that they believe you didn't care.

2:21

Somewhere in another room, another person is carrying a version of you that feels untrue and you cannot quite settle into your evening while that version remains.

2:35

Most of us have an evening like this somewhere in our lives.

2:40

Sometimes it lasts until morning.

2:43

Sometimes we are still composing the explanation years later for a person we no longer speak to.

2:51

I would like to spend some time with that unfinished conversation because the need beneath it deserves kindness and because there may be a way to honor that need without giving the rest of our life over to it.

3:09

Being understood is one of the ways we feel close to another person.

3:15

There's a particular ease in knowing someone can see the intention behind an awkward sentence or recognize tiredness in a silence that might otherwise look cold.

3:28

In their company, we do not have to provide the whole history of ourselves before every small act.

3:37

Something has already been received and remembered.

3:42

We can arrive a little clumsily and still be recognized.

3:47

That is part of why a misunderstanding can hurt far beyond the words exchanged.

3:55

We thought the other person knew us.

3:57

We thought the years had established something they could lean on when an evening went badly.

4:03

Then one refusal seems to become evidence about our whole character.

4:10

and we find ourselves trying to recover more than the meaning of a sentence.

The Pain of Being Misunderstood1:17 – 5:18

1:17

The conversation ended an hour ago, and you are still in it.

1:23

Perhaps someone close to you asked for a favor, and this time you said you couldn't.

1:30

You were tired and you had been looking forward to an evening with nothing required of you.

1:37

You tried to say it kindly, and they answered, you always find a reason when it's me.

1:45

You explained that it wasn't like that.

1:49

They said they understood in a voice that suggested they had understood something quite different, and the conversation came to an end.

2:01

What troubles you is quite specific.

2:04

You could bear their disappointment.

2:07

You wish you could have helped, and you understand that hearing no was unwelcome.

2:14

What feels much harder to leave alone is the thought that they believe you didn't care.

2:21

Somewhere in another room, another person is carrying a version of you that feels untrue and you cannot quite settle into your evening while that version remains.

2:35

Most of us have an evening like this somewhere in our lives.

2:40

Sometimes it lasts until morning.

2:43

Sometimes we are still composing the explanation years later for a person we no longer speak to.

2:51

I would like to spend some time with that unfinished conversation because the need beneath it deserves kindness and because there may be a way to honor that need without giving the rest of our life over to it.

3:09

Being understood is one of the ways we feel close to another person.

3:15

There's a particular ease in knowing someone can see the intention behind an awkward sentence or recognize tiredness in a silence that might otherwise look cold.

3:28

In their company, we do not have to provide the whole history of ourselves before every small act.

3:37

Something has already been received and remembered.

3:42

We can arrive a little clumsily and still be recognized.

3:47

That is part of why a misunderstanding can hurt far beyond the words exchanged.

3:55

We thought the other person knew us.

3:57

We thought the years had established something they could lean on when an evening went badly.

4:03

Then one refusal seems to become evidence about our whole character.

4:10

and we find ourselves trying to recover more than the meaning of a sentence.