I thought it was love, but it was just abuse (feat. Amanda J Scott)

Lovely.

Thank you, Noah, and hello to all the listeners, and thank you for having me today.

That's, it's, uh, wonderful.

It's wonderful to be able to get out and to talk about it and, uh, yeah, to help others through, through what I've experienced.

So kind of just take me back to the beginning of how everything started and, and how, um-

Okay, yeah

... just a little bit about how you, um, met your ex-husband.

Okay.

Well, first of all, you know, I experienced, as we said, uh, domestic abuse in a marriage for 17 years.

Uh, but, uh, for the longest time I didn't realize what I was living with, because abuse takes on many forms, um, as we talked about, emotional, financial, physical, and sexual abuse.

Um, and it creates a feeling of shame in the abused that keep them stuck.

So I think nobody wants to be unloved and uncared for.

And so what happens is we make excuses for our partner's behavior, uh, rather than accept the truth that we are being abused.

So that's why I've really come out, and I wanted to share, uh, my experience and to shine more light on this experience, 'cause I believe, uh, that, uh, my story can help and, uh, bring awareness and support to people that are sti- still living in an abusive situation.

Um, so, you know, when I look back, uh, it seems unreal that I would have tolerated what I know now to be emotional and financial abuse.

But, um, uh, you know, I often ask myself, why would I tolerate that? Uh, and I think the short answer to the question is that abuse took control of my life.

It took control of my world.

Uh, I actually no- h- I had no longer a reference point to be treated with dignity and respect, and it had become my new norm.

So it was normal to be shouted at, normal to be yelled at, and told I was stupid.

Um, but, um, I, I do believe that the deepest, um, answer to that question is that I had grown to believe that I deserved to be treated that way.

Uh, because abuse grew slowly, and what started out for me as one incident of disrespect became two and three, until eventually it became the way I lived.

Um, and as I said before, I was told I was stupid, so it didn't take long before I believed that.

And that meant each time, um- You know, I was told that I was treated badly, became my fault, because I thought if I was better, things would be better.

So that's how it starts slowly.

And the emotional abuse then enabled the financial abuse, um, because, you know, I was too scared to question my husband's decisions.