Jun 29, 2026 · 28 min · 11 segments
When we're dating someone new, the rush is electric. The pull towards sex can feel immediate, an almost magnetic urge to rip each other's clothes off. But as the years stretch on and the demands of…
Yumi StynesHostEllenGuestGeorgia GraceGuestAliceGuesttime.I guess at the start of a relationship, we feel like we're a bit drug-fucked with all of these feel-good neurochemicals
These chemicals are flooding through your bloodstream at the start of a new relationship.
The evolutionary instinct in us means we're adapted to find hottie, get hunching, make baby, secure survival of species.
It's the unknown, the novelty, and in that period, a lot of people will describe that they feel really drawn to this person.
But post-honeymoon stage, while our emotional connection might be deeper, the chemicals pushing those early horny feelings start to drop.
And so after a few years, a lot of people will find that, you know, what's happened to our sex life?
It's not just the sexy love chemicals that fade, but the demands of life ramping up, and, oh no, the resentments.
The person who is doing a lot of the work or carrying the mental load or feeling like they're having to be on top of everything and noticing that their partner is just sort of coming towards them for sex and not, you know, taking any of the other responsibilities, that's not hot for a lot of people.
Once you're done feeding them, washing them, forcing them to clip their grody old toenails, and putting them to bed, you're tired, and sex feels like just another thing that's gonna create more laundry.
It's tempting to love on your partner in a physical way that's more platonic and safe than raunchy and rude.
Often what I'll also hear in session is when we talk about this, a lot of my clients will say, "Yeah, but we do that.
We cuddle, and we kiss, and we are intimate." And so then I need to make the distinction between emotional intimacy and closeness and safety, which is beautiful and important, but that's really different to, like, a sexual intimacy.
The emotional intimacy might be, "Oh, you look really nice today," and the sexual intimacy might be, "You look so fucking hot.
time.I guess at the start of a relationship, we feel like we're a bit drug-fucked with all of these feel-good neurochemicals
These chemicals are flooding through your bloodstream at the start of a new relationship.
The evolutionary instinct in us means we're adapted to find hottie, get hunching, make baby, secure survival of species.
It's the unknown, the novelty, and in that period, a lot of people will describe that they feel really drawn to this person.
But post-honeymoon stage, while our emotional connection might be deeper, the chemicals pushing those early horny feelings start to drop.
And so after a few years, a lot of people will find that, you know, what's happened to our sex life?
It's not just the sexy love chemicals that fade, but the demands of life ramping up, and, oh no, the resentments.
The person who is doing a lot of the work or carrying the mental load or feeling like they're having to be on top of everything and noticing that their partner is just sort of coming towards them for sex and not, you know, taking any of the other responsibilities, that's not hot for a lot of people.
Once you're done feeding them, washing them, forcing them to clip their grody old toenails, and putting them to bed, you're tired, and sex feels like just another thing that's gonna create more laundry.
It's tempting to love on your partner in a physical way that's more platonic and safe than raunchy and rude.
Often what I'll also hear in session is when we talk about this, a lot of my clients will say, "Yeah, but we do that.
We cuddle, and we kiss, and we are intimate." And so then I need to make the distinction between emotional intimacy and closeness and safety, which is beautiful and important, but that's really different to, like, a sexual intimacy.
The emotional intimacy might be, "Oh, you look really nice today," and the sexual intimacy might be, "You look so fucking hot.
The rest of this transcript — segmented and speaker-labeled, so you land on the exact moment something was said
Search every transcript — by keyword, by phrase, or by meaning, across every show Radar indexes
Trends — what is surging across podcasts, measured against its own baseline
Alerts — when a name you follow appears in a newly indexed episode
No account is needed to search Radar.
