A Trans Widow’s Bill of Rights: Setting Boundaries After Disclosure

So it's entitled a Trans Widow's Bill of Rights or what boundaries are you allowed to set after DD? 1.

You have the right to remain straight and proud.

You are not obliged to feel attraction to your spouse after disclosure, during transition or because others believe you should.

2.

You have the right to set boundaries.

you may decide what you are comfortable with including separate bedrooms separate living arrangements separation or divorce as well as limiting discussions about transition you have the right to your own feelings You may feel grief, anger, sadness, disgust, confusion, embarrassment, betrayal, relief, fear or numbness without being shamed, pathologised or labelled.

Number four, you have the right to honesty and accountability.

You may ask questions, seek the truth about your relationship, inquire about possible infidelity and obtain SDI testing if you believe it is necessary.

Number five, you have the right to explore your legal and religious options.

This includes consulting attorneys, considering divorce or annulment and making decisions consistent with your own beliefs and values.

Number six, you have the right to independent support.

You may choose your own therapist, attend therapy alone, join support groups and seek support from people who respect your experiences and boundaries.

Number seven, you have the right to competent professional care.

You may challenge biased therapists, refuse treatment that invalidates your experience and terminate therapy that's harmful or unsupportive.

Number eight, you have the right to tell your own story.

You may disclose your experience to friends, family, clergy, therapists, support groups or the public when and how you choose.

Number nine, you have the right to decide what language you use.

You may use the names, terms and pronouns that feel truthful and comfortable to you.

Number ten, you have the right to privacy and distance.

You may limit contact, block communication, avoid social media updates and ask others not to relay information about your spouse or former spouse.

11.

You have the right to safety and healing.

If this experience has caused trauma, you deserve compassion, support and appropriate care for its effects.

12.

You have the right to sexual autonomy.