353: SUMMER LISTENING: Rest After Stress: The Psychology of High Performance

So what are some of the things that people can do then to, first of all, I guess, spot that and then secondly, do something about it?

Yeah, I think number one, awareness, and it might sound so cliche, but to recognize when we have some disturbance, I often say that symptoms are messengers, right? And so if we're feeling fatigued or burnt out or irritable or brain fog, that's our system speaking to us, letting us know that something is amiss, that there is some imbalance or unmet need that requires our attention.

Right.

So what I found is that high performers are often so attuned to and connected to the outside world and the expectations of the people around us that as a result, we tend to tune out from our inner world and our own thoughts and feelings and needs.

And so often my very first step with coaching and therapy clients is awareness, tuning in.

What is it that you're thinking and feeling? And sometimes that in of itself can be revealing, right? The second question that I encourage people to ask is, is there an inner guidance that I am withholding from expression or even consideration? Because my clients are sharp.

Many of them know what it is that they need.

And so it could be, yeah, I know I need to get more rest or I need to have this conversation with my boss, right? or with my partner.

And so really sometimes the work is about clearing away the debris that can cloud those answers, right? And fear can cloud those answers.

I suppose before we go any further, Lauren, it'd be worth us trying to define what a high performer is, because I suspect that people listening to this will all have different ideas of what that might look like.

Steve, I think that's such a good question, because in my experience, the high performer is not just limited to the high performing professional.

I see a lot of those.

But my definition of a high performer is anyone who diligently performs forms a role, a character, or a function, often at the expense of their own needs.

So I've worked with a lot of high-performing parents, high-performing students.

And I think it's that at the expense of their own needs piece that really requires our attention and consideration.

Now, you've also, I understand, defined something called the high-performer archetype.

Tell us a little bit about that, because I was really interested in that when I was doing some of the research before this.

Yeah, so the high performer archetype is a cluster of personality traits that are commonplace among high performing personalities, and they include perfectionism.

So perfectionism, meaning the tendency to set perhaps unreasonably high expectations for ourselves as a role.

People pleasing, which is the need to appease and accommodate others, often at the expense, again, of our own needs.

And then codependency.

And I see a lot of codependency, which is the need to be needed or the need to be helpful.

And again, the tendency to take responsibility for people and things that just aren't ours.

And these traits, what I want to emphasize, Steve, is these traits aren't bad or wrong, right? I think these days perfectionism gets a bad rap, but perfectionism and people pleasing and even codependency in some respect can help us to be motivated.

You compel ambition and productivity and nurture our relationships.