229: Emotional Adulthood: How to Stop Letting Others Control Your Emotions

Now, today we're going to be talking about emotional adulthood, which is basically the idea that you are the one who is ultimately responsible for what is happening inside of you.

And I will be sharing with you three specific examples in just a moment, because let's be honest, it is a lot easier to see when other people are not acting through emotional adulthood than it is to see in ourselves.

So if you remember nothing else from this episode, I want you to remember this, that that person over there, your partner, that driver on the road that just cut you off, that obnoxious customer that you were just trying to help, your neighbor, your kid, your coworker, none of these people are the ones that are actually responsible for creating your emotions.

I mean, yes, their behavior, it can absolutely have an influence and an impact on you.

It can trigger thoughts.

It can bring emotions to the surface.

It can give you a lot of reasons why you actually want to feel angry, hurt, disappointed, or frustrated.

But taking responsibility for what it is that you do with these emotions, that is emotional adulthood.

When we believe that somebody else is the one that's responsible for how it is that we feel, then we're actually handing our power over to them.

And more than likely, we're handing that power over to somebody that we already feel isn't showing up very well.

They aren't showing up how we think that they should be showing up.

But it is possible to learn how to show up with emotional maturity, even when other people are acting in a way that really conflicts with your values.

And I totally get it.

It is so easy to say, no, you make me so angry.

And if you would just change, then I would feel so much better.

But waiting for other people to change, all it does is delay your own happiness.

It is so much better to take ownership of your own emotional experience and just choose to adapt accordingly.

So think for just a moment about what happens inside of you when you're believing that somebody else is in charge of your emotions, that they're the reason why you're angry, sad, or frustrated.

If they're the ones that are responsible for our emotions, then guess what else that means? It means that you can't experience peace until they change.

You can't be happy until they change.

You can't move forward until they change.

But the problem with this is that you don't actually have any control over whether they change or not.

And more than likely, you might be upset because this could be a repeated behavior, right? And that's why you're feeling so upset.

But that also means that they've already demonstrated that, you know what, it's just easier for me to keep doing things the way that I want to do them.

So you can keep hoping that I'm going to change.