Stop Taking the Hit: Redefining Strength with LaEisha Howard

And I think that that's the, that is, I think that's the missing ingredient, right? It's how do we, how do we do that? I, I think for me, I'm in this very really weird place right now, I think, with motherhood in the sense of I'm no longer her manager.

I'm, I, I don't manage her life anymore.

Well, sometimes I do.

It feels like it.

Uh, but I, I'm more, I'm a consultant now, right, to her, you know? And obviously she's my VIP client.

I'm always gonna be there.

I'm-- She's gonna get red carpet service.

Um, and so, but I have to navigate, it's like she's an adult.

She's living on her own.

She has her own profession.

Um, but yet there's you s- "I still need mom in many ways." And so much of my life ha- and my identity has been around motherhood.

And so this process for me now, it's You know, living alone.

I mean, she comes home and visits, and so she's home, right? But, you know, living by myself and adjusting to that transformation of I don't have this responsibility every day to another human being.

And what-- who am I outside of writing books? Who am I outside of, you know, sitting in a boardroom? Who am I outside of starting another venture, another business? Um, but motherhood up until really I feel like in this last year has really been like you just, you just go.

You just do it.

You just do it.

And now it's like, well, what, what's my life look like? And it's been consumed with a lot of grief as well, right? So it's like in the, you know, this...

I'm trying not to cry.

This weekend is the fifth anniversary of my dad's passing.

And so I, you know, I was saying something earlier.

You know how sometimes the wind blows and you get a certain scent and you, it just takes you right back? And that's how I felt this morning on my run, and I just broke down and just started bawling.

And it was like, not only who am I, but what next? And grief is always ongoing, and it's gonna hit you at when you least expect it.

And oh, yes, my kid's in Europe and I'm worrying about her because I'm a mother.

What does it look like for me to be able to be, just be, be present and be okay with, you know, where I'm at in my life? And so it's like tr- this new identity, this transformation, right? But still staying true to myself.

And so I think that's where I've been.