Under one roof | Foundling Ep 2

I classed it as an incredible story, like of, wow, I was found by a lady who's a bit weird [laughs] who's a bit suspicious.

Um, and I, I just kind of left it at that.

Jess tries to put it behind her, get on with her life, but she's forgotten about something else that's still in play.

Weeks before that Facebook conversation, her sister Laura had posted a message on a family reunion site asking if anyone remembers the nanny who found the Suffolk baby in 1987.

That post is still out there languishing in some quiet corner of the internet.

[gentle music] Three years pass, and it's only when Jess is leaving hospital, having just given birth to her first baby in 2013, that a sense of being abandoned comes roaring back.

2013, and it was snowing, and I had to take him home in the snow, and I couldn't walk.

And I remember sitting there waiting for his dad to bring the car around with no one around, just looking at him in his car seat, this tiny, tiny little bundle, and thinking, "Could I leave him right now?"

I can really imagine this, that these anxieties could surface at this moment in those very vulnerable hours after you've given birth.

I convince myself I'm as bad as her, even though I've got the baby there, I'm breastfeeding the baby.

Did she feel like this? Did she have this disconnect right from word go?

Jess says she's worrying that she's inherited an instinct to abandon, that she's a bad mother, a bad person.

And then postnatal depression sets in.

And when Jess gets home, midwives drop in on her every day for two straight months.

For anyone who's had a baby in the UK, you know that that's a sign that they're seriously concerned about you.

So it dragged up these feelings that I was not expecting.

So that's when it started again for me because I'd banked it, and I was...

I really put it away.

I really thought I'd handled it, but it dragged it up.