#138: What She's Really Scanning for When You Approach (It's Not Smoothness)

So based on the comments that I hear often, both on my channel, on this channel, is that men have the experience of women being wanting or assuming that if he doesn't have a certain type of look or a certain level of social fitness, finesse that they are less interested in being approached by that type of man.

There are specific qualities that men tend to associate with women wanting to be approached.

And that's where I would love for you to shine a little bit of light on what's actually happening on the woman's side in just a I think it is worth noting that some women do have preferences as to what they're actually looking for, whether it be an experience that she's after or a particular trait or physical characteristic.

And if it isn't necessarily in line with what you are offering, then it is more a sign that she's kind of like looking for something else than a personal judgment of you.

So fair to say.

100%.

I mean, the theme we always notice in the comments is this, like, women are only scanning for looks or they only want this type of guy.

And I do think there's a human level of being attracted to a person that's fair.

And most women who are looking for genuine partnership are not... limiting connection entirely based on looks.

They're going to be looking for more meaningful qualities, like how do I feel when I'm with him and his integrity? And do we have a vibe, a synergy, a connection that is going to make someone appear even more attractive? You know, it really is true what they say about attraction grows as you get to know someone, at least that's been true in my experience.

Mm-hmm.

If a woman is solely scanning for a physical type that's very narrow, she's going to miss out on really great people.

And that's something I actually work with women all the time on when I'm coaching them.

Like my recommendation would be to be seven out of 10 attracted to someone, even like six and a half out of 10 attracted to someone.

And then attraction really grows based on the energy, the emotional connection, the exchange.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what I found really interesting in seeing the comments from the last conversation we had about attraction was that it seems like, and correct us if this is not completely accurate, but it seems like men and women are having very different conversations.

Men are having the conversation of a point in time attraction of does she want for me to approach her? And women are talking about attraction from a like stretched out vantage point of how attracted do I feel over time? or over like a repeat experience with her, which has multiple variables involved.

So I think that may be a little bit where the discrepancy is happening, where men are like, she only wants, you know, tall, dark and handsome or Chad to approach her.

Someone who's just really charismatic and, you know, doesn't care about what happens as a result.

And so while I wanted just to acknowledge that because i do think that there is an experience that men are having and we hear you and wanting to bring that into the conversation and it may be that we're having two different types of conversation around this attraction piece

yeah that's a great point i do think a lot of the comments were about i can't even get in the door because she's looking for xyz yeah

Yeah, which I think will be interesting as we kind of get further into this conversation, unless you want to just take it there now.

I'm going to give some examples later on because I think it will be helpful to illustrate these points in a concrete way.

So based on the comments that I hear often, both on my channel, on this channel, is that men have the experience of women being wanting or assuming that if he doesn't have a certain type of look or a certain level of social fitness, finesse that they are less interested in being approached by that type of man.

There are specific qualities that men tend to associate with women wanting to be approached.

And that's where I would love for you to shine a little bit of light on what's actually happening on the woman's side in just a I think it is worth noting that some women do have preferences as to what they're actually looking for, whether it be an experience that she's after or a particular trait or physical characteristic.

And if it isn't necessarily in line with what you are offering, then it is more a sign that she's kind of like looking for something else than a personal judgment of you.

So fair to say.

100%.

I mean, the theme we always notice in the comments is this, like, women are only scanning for looks or they only want this type of guy.

And I do think there's a human level of being attracted to a person that's fair.

And most women who are looking for genuine partnership are not... limiting connection entirely based on looks.

They're going to be looking for more meaningful qualities, like how do I feel when I'm with him and his integrity? And do we have a vibe, a synergy, a connection that is going to make someone appear even more attractive? You know, it really is true what they say about attraction grows as you get to know someone, at least that's been true in my experience.

Mm-hmm.

If a woman is solely scanning for a physical type that's very narrow, she's going to miss out on really great people.

And that's something I actually work with women all the time on when I'm coaching them.

Like my recommendation would be to be seven out of 10 attracted to someone, even like six and a half out of 10 attracted to someone.

And then attraction really grows based on the energy, the emotional connection, the exchange.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what I found really interesting in seeing the comments from the last conversation we had about attraction was that it seems like, and correct us if this is not completely accurate, but it seems like men and women are having very different conversations.

Men are having the conversation of a point in time attraction of does she want for me to approach her? And women are talking about attraction from a like stretched out vantage point of how attracted do I feel over time? or over like a repeat experience with her, which has multiple variables involved.

So I think that may be a little bit where the discrepancy is happening, where men are like, she only wants, you know, tall, dark and handsome or Chad to approach her.

Someone who's just really charismatic and, you know, doesn't care about what happens as a result.

And so while I wanted just to acknowledge that because i do think that there is an experience that men are having and we hear you and wanting to bring that into the conversation and it may be that we're having two different types of conversation around this attraction piece

yeah that's a great point i do think a lot of the comments were about i can't even get in the door because she's looking for xyz yeah

Yeah, which I think will be interesting as we kind of get further into this conversation, unless you want to just take it there now.

I'm going to give some examples later on because I think it will be helpful to illustrate these points in a concrete way.