#136: How Important Is Physical Attractiveness In Modern Dating?

You know, with that setup, there is one thing, which is I feel from this episode, we're really going to spearhead the physical attractive piece because there are so many energetic emotional characteristics and qualities that make someone extraordinarily attractive but what tends to trip people up in our comments and listeners from the show is the physical attractiveness that's what gets in our way

oh yes thank you for specifying that um because i do think there is something to be said about uh The paradigm, really, of what you're referring to as physical attractiveness.

As we always say, if that's the paradigm you want to play in, there are some things that it is going to require of you and also some things that it's going to cost you that we want to invite you into a different way of seeing it.

Because I find that when you are... locked into that idea that there is a level of attractiveness that you either deserve to partner with or that you're aiming to partner with, it's usually going to be creating this kind of hierarchy where you're locked into a really a limerent dynamic as well, where you're not necessarily being selective based on genuine attraction.

You're being pulled based on some stories that are going or some previous experiences that you're wanting to prove wrong or have be different this time.

And when that's the motivator, it, in my experience, never plays out the way that you think that it is going to.

Anything you want to share on that,

Bri? Yeah, I think to go to your point, when you're highly valuing physical attractiveness in potential partners, there's usually a critical lens internally on physical attractiveness.

And I find that the more secure a person becomes in owning who they uniquely are, which we'll get into in this episode, what they uniquely look like.

They hold less of a narrow view of what's physically attractive.

True for men and women, by the way.

You know I work with mostly women in my practice.

And I also work with them on this piece of like, let's start widening those margins because let's also unpack why the margins are so thin to begin with around physical appearance.

What do you mean? This means nothing about the character or the partner this person could be for you.

So we need to look at what's going on.

Is it societal pressure? Et cetera, et cetera.

Usually it's rooted in how you feel about physical appearance and what you think it means about you to be with a partner who looks like that.

Hmm.

Ooh, I would say that's the story that I hear or the conversation I hear happening amongst men too, is if we're really honest about why this is such a high priority for you is because the meaning that you give it about you, what it means in a social context about you to be with this type of partner.

That's where we have to dig into, isn't it?

We have to go there.

Yeah.

We have to go there.

Typically, in my experience, there is some wound around not feeling good enough and wanting to prove that you are.

You know, with that setup, there is one thing, which is I feel from this episode, we're really going to spearhead the physical attractive piece because there are so many energetic emotional characteristics and qualities that make someone extraordinarily attractive but what tends to trip people up in our comments and listeners from the show is the physical attractiveness that's what gets in our way

oh yes thank you for specifying that um because i do think there is something to be said about uh The paradigm, really, of what you're referring to as physical attractiveness.

As we always say, if that's the paradigm you want to play in, there are some things that it is going to require of you and also some things that it's going to cost you that we want to invite you into a different way of seeing it.

Because I find that when you are... locked into that idea that there is a level of attractiveness that you either deserve to partner with or that you're aiming to partner with, it's usually going to be creating this kind of hierarchy where you're locked into a really a limerent dynamic as well, where you're not necessarily being selective based on genuine attraction.

You're being pulled based on some stories that are going or some previous experiences that you're wanting to prove wrong or have be different this time.

And when that's the motivator, it, in my experience, never plays out the way that you think that it is going to.

Anything you want to share on that,

Bri? Yeah, I think to go to your point, when you're highly valuing physical attractiveness in potential partners, there's usually a critical lens internally on physical attractiveness.

And I find that the more secure a person becomes in owning who they uniquely are, which we'll get into in this episode, what they uniquely look like.

They hold less of a narrow view of what's physically attractive.

True for men and women, by the way.

You know I work with mostly women in my practice.

And I also work with them on this piece of like, let's start widening those margins because let's also unpack why the margins are so thin to begin with around physical appearance.

What do you mean? This means nothing about the character or the partner this person could be for you.

So we need to look at what's going on.

Is it societal pressure? Et cetera, et cetera.

Usually it's rooted in how you feel about physical appearance and what you think it means about you to be with a partner who looks like that.

Hmm.

Ooh, I would say that's the story that I hear or the conversation I hear happening amongst men too, is if we're really honest about why this is such a high priority for you is because the meaning that you give it about you, what it means in a social context about you to be with this type of partner.

That's where we have to dig into, isn't it?

We have to go there.

Yeah.

We have to go there.

Typically, in my experience, there is some wound around not feeling good enough and wanting to prove that you are.