Meet the author - Hannah Richell

My next question is a little bit based on my book actually and it's that ever since Geoff died I have sometimes wondered what would have happened if this was the other way around and if it had been me who had died.

What would have happened in the family? My son was five.

He's now six foot three or something.

He's 15.

But Jeff had been applying for a position in Dublin at a university.

Would he have taken the family to Dublin? Would my son be speaking with an Irish accent by now? And then I think about where I live and all the people I've met because he died, including you.

I mean, you would be sitting here talking to someone else.

I wouldn't be here and we wouldn't have met.

Your daughter's interested in studying here.

We're going to hook her up with my daughter, Hannah, who works at this university and just finished her PhD the other day.

And there's another connection that could be very beautiful.

So do you ever think about that? Do you ever wonder if this had happened the other way around, if it had been you, what would Matt have made of his life and how would things be different?

I do.

I first want to say that Emma's novel Start at the End is a stunning piece of fiction which explores exactly that and when I read it I saw so many truths in your book about living with loss and working through grief so I highly recommend you all run out and buy a copy which is out there because I found it utterly brilliant.

Yes, I think it was a preoccupation in my mind very early on.

I remember saying endlessly to people, it should have been me.

Matt would have coped so much better.

He would have got a nanny, carried on working, done his job, someone would have swooped in and married him off, and I just felt that he would have coped much more admirably than I did.

So yes, I was thinking that quite a lot in the early days.

I don't think about it so much now, actually.

I think maybe, you know, they talk about acceptance in grief, and I think I have reached a point where I accept what's happened.

I can step forward into a new shape of a life, understanding that what has been before has been lost, but that I can honor it and carry it with me.

So I don't kind of live with those sliding doors moments anymore, but it is so fascinating, isn't it, to sort of delve into that.

And I think that's why your novel is so incredibly brilliant, because it explores exactly that.

Well, thank you.