How to Stop Reacting Emotionally and Blaming Others | Grant Dziak

And it's an interesting, uh, example though, 'cause do you think fear of being left out shapes what we believe?

100% because of tribalism, because then it comes back, I think it comes back to that primal idea of survival.

So many people would rather be wrong in a group than to take the chance of standing in alignment alone.

And it's like, and it goes back to that idea, like, I'd rather be loved for who... or I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.

And it's like so many of us feel like we lack purpose.

Uh, we live lives, we do jobs, careers for 10, 20, 30 years only to wake up one day and go, "Man," like, "this isn't my life," like, "I don't enjoy this." And we're angry.

We're angry individuals.

And anger's a secondary emotion.

It comes from the pain of confusion, and that stems from when your reality does not meet your expectation.

So if I'm expecting to have this happy, joyful life, but I'm living literally in every way for other people's approval, uh, acceptance, love, whatever it is, m- like, I'm literally not living my life.

I'm living a perceived assumption of what my life should be from a collective.

And I'm gonna go, "Who gave you that?" And it's like, "I, I don't know." Like, they can't name anybody.

Like, when people are afraid of le- let's say posting on social media, "Well, I'm, you know, I'm just nervous of what people are gonna say." "Okay, who, what are their names? Who are they?" "I, I don't know." It's like this collective pain point that we just assume, the sense of rejection from the tribe, the tribe just being other people in general.

And, and that's the crazy thing is when you realize your brain is primed to move away from pain before it is to move towards pleasure, you're always gonna focus on the people you're gonna lose in your life before the people you're gonna gain.

So it...

I always tell people, I'm like, "Dude, your tribe is out there." You're, you're surrounded by all these people right now that don't feel in alignment with you.

You don't feel like you guys have a lot in common or get along, and you are so afraid of losing them because your brain is primed to focus on not losing those people before it goes, "Man, if I lose these people and I actually behave in this way, like, I have a whole group of people that would love me for me." I'm more focused on the people I'm gonna lose as opposed to what I'm gonna gain from it.

We, we, we kind of t- mentioned this at the top, like, how we're exposed to these opinions.

I mean, thousands of opinions we would never have ever in ancestral history been exposed to, right? Um, I even think of, like, occurrences, like something could happen on the West Coast, and here I am on the East Coast, and I'm hearing about it in real time.

But had, had I been in, you know, in ancestral times, I would've heard about it five years after a fire or something, right? And it would've been through, you know, clans coming together or groups coming together, and it's told as a story versus, like, a real-time kind of trauma experience.

So I feel like our nervous systems are being exposed in modern times in ways that they biologically weren't developed to deal with.

So how...

Are there tools to support us in these modern times with this massive nervous system overload?

Yeah, man.

That, and that's exactly what I work with because more than anything is think of the analogy of, uh, when people go skiing through the woods, they tell you to focus on the, the, the path that you wanna be on.