298. 7 Dating Mistakes That Make Finding a Relationship Take Longer

The first mistake on my list is dating for potential.

This one is extremely important, which is why I put it first.

And what that looks like is waiting for someone to change, trying to mold them into the person you wanna be, hoping that they're just going to magically become a different person, essentially.

Let me kind of illustrate this with an example.

So I was working with a one-on-one client recently who was seeing a guy for a few months, and this guy had a pattern of deprioritizing their connection and made her feel neglected.

And she all but begged him to spend more time with her.

This was an ongoing thing.

And in our work together, she wanted to explore what she could do or say or bring up to get him to prioritize the relationship more or, uh, you know, as much as she did.

And ultimately, she realized that she was sticking around hoping that he would change and start prioritizing her more, even though in the past four-ish months that they were seeing each other, this was a repeated issue, and there was hesitancy to commit on his side.

If she decided to keep going, that would've been dating for potential.

The mistake is leaning on the hope of a specific outcome and ignoring what's actually happening and what they're bringing to the table currently in your connection.

It's so easy to get caught in thinking that if we just act a certain way or have a specific conversation, that we can get the person we're dating to change or behave differently and show up in a, the way that we really need them to.

But unfortunately, the reality is that you're not going to create the dynamic you want with someone who is repeatedly showing you that they're incapable or unwilling to show up that way.

Dating for potential is living in the what if, not the reality.

So how do we avoid making the mistake? Well, focus on the facts and the reality.

Like, yes, sure, it's good to bring things up.

I wanna encourage you to bring things up and have open discussions with the person you're dating.

But when you're doing it over and over and it keeps coming back to this core issue and you see no change Then you know what the reality is.

So if you're in this situation right now, like you're like, "Okay, yes, that is me.

I am dating for potential.

I am seeing someone, and I hope that they, they show up differently," you need to either walk away or accept whatever need isn't being met, assuming that you've already brought this up.

But the sooner you recognize the reality and decide to move on because you know you're not asking for too much, the sooner you can find someone who can meet that need easily and naturally.

So okay, that's mistake number one, dating for potential.

Mistake number two is staying in a situationship.

And look, if you're in a situation right now where you're seeing someone, hooking up, enjoying a physical connection or just some fun, but you know it's not gonna go anywhere, here's the thing.