296. How to Spot (and Break) the Dating Patterns Keeping You Stuck

All right, getting into it, what do I mean when I say dating patterns? Dating patterns are repeated behaviors and reactions that you've picked up somewhere along the way.

Maybe they've helped you get love, attention, and certainty and safety at one point, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're helping you build the relationship that you want now.

These can come from childhood.

They can also come from rel- relationships you had, you know, at some point in your life.

It's not necessarily about attachment style.

It's kind of bigger than that.

And this stuff, by the way, applies to everyone, no matter your age, gender, sexuality, or where you grew up.

Along the way, we just pick up these behaviors that form before we reach a level of emotional intelligence and s- and security, and that makes dating and relationships challenging.

Just to, like, ground ourselves in some examples of what I'm talking about, here are some patterns that could be holding you back in dating.

And let me know in the comments if any of these stand out to you or resonate because there is no shame or blame here, right? Everyone has baggage.

Everyone has patterns.

We all do this.

Here are some examples.

They could be, like, losing interest when someone is emotionally available, right? Consistency can feel boring or flat or like there's no spark.

Another example is getting attached before you know them.

Maybe you repeatedly start imagining the relationship based on potential instead of who they actually are, like, if they're showing you who they are.

Another pattern is overlooking incompatibilities because the chemistry is so strong.

I mean, I think we've all been there, but it- maybe you do it repeatedly.

Or it could be that you're ending things too quickly over and over again, right? You treat uncertainty, awkwardness, or lack of instant chemistry as evidence that someone isn't right for you, so you nip it in the bud and move on.

Or alternatively, on the other side, you're staying too long.

You keep giving someone chances after it's clear that your needs aren't being met.

These are all different patterns.

It could also just be, like, being passive-aggressive instead of communicating, assuming the worst the minute they take a bit longer to reply, dating people who you know you can't be in a relationship with.

You get the idea.

It's the thing that you're doing over and over that is holding you back from the connection you're looking for.