Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for Men
Sep 18, 2026 · 15 min · 7 segments
Is it normal to barely have sex in marriage? In this episode, we'll cover why a real, credible statistic about married couples still can't answer that question for you, and why chasing that number can…
Alisa StoddardHost
Let's actually look at the number because it's a real one and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.
It's one of the most credible, most cited data sets in social science, the kind researchers build careers on, not something that's scraped from a clickbait site.
According to the most recent analysis of that data, the share of married adults having sex once a week or more has dropped from roughly 59% in the late 1990s and 2000s to about 49% over the last decade and a half.
A large share of married couples are having sex less often than they would like.
But I want you to notice something about that comfort because it does not hold up the way that you want it to.
It cannot tell you whether the other couples in that 49% are connected or simply busy or drifting the same way you are and just simply better at hiding it.
It can't tell you whether the once a month couples in the other half are grieving that number quietly the way you are or whether they made peace with it years ago for reasons that just have nothing to do with you.
If enough other men are in the same spot, then you get to file away the whole thing under normal and close the tab.
You get to stop asking the harder question, which is not, am I normal? But why is this happening in my specific marriage to my specific wife in a way that has nothing to do with a national average? And here's where I want to slow down because this is the part most men skip past.
Let's actually look at the number because it's a real one and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.
It's one of the most credible, most cited data sets in social science, the kind researchers build careers on, not something that's scraped from a clickbait site.
According to the most recent analysis of that data, the share of married adults having sex once a week or more has dropped from roughly 59% in the late 1990s and 2000s to about 49% over the last decade and a half.
A large share of married couples are having sex less often than they would like.
But I want you to notice something about that comfort because it does not hold up the way that you want it to.
It cannot tell you whether the other couples in that 49% are connected or simply busy or drifting the same way you are and just simply better at hiding it.
It can't tell you whether the once a month couples in the other half are grieving that number quietly the way you are or whether they made peace with it years ago for reasons that just have nothing to do with you.
If enough other men are in the same spot, then you get to file away the whole thing under normal and close the tab.
You get to stop asking the harder question, which is not, am I normal? But why is this happening in my specific marriage to my specific wife in a way that has nothing to do with a national average? And here's where I want to slow down because this is the part most men skip past.
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