Jun 9, 2026 · 29 min · 10 segments
It turns out I'm carrying an invisible operating system that runs beneath the surface of my entire life, and chances are, you are too. This one is for the women who are tired. Not just physically…
And I'm gonna open this episode with a story, um, about a party that I was hosting a few weeks ago.
So I was getting ready for this party, and I found myself doing the things that I've done like a hundred times, right? I walked the house like a contractor walks a job site before an inspection, and I am moving through each room, and I have a checklist running in my head, um, just kinda ticking off things that need to be handled.
It's just I can't not see the things that need to be done, right? Like the tablecloths that I ordered, where did those go, right? The gravel that got kicked onto the front walk from the pavers, like I need to sweep that before the guests get here.
Do I have time to touch that up? You know, where is that balloon arch gonna go? How are we gonna get directional signs for where people need to be when they're arriving? Nobody asked me to notice the trim.
Nobody assigned me like, "Hey, you probably need to think about are there things that need to be done here?" The, the inventory list that I'm running is entirely self-generated.
But there I am, and I'm like walking around our house, um, at like seven in the morning being the general contractor for this event that is supposed to be a fun thing.
But in that moment, when we are a couple of days out for an event and I am starting to accumulate this list of things that still need to be handled, what I am feeling in that moment is not joy.
And I can't really name it because I know it's self-inflicted, and it's all coming from this list that exists only in my head, and no one around me seems to have any, um, perspective or awareness or context that this list is growing, that I'm making it, that I am feeling pressured by it.
They're just happily going on about their day, pleasantly anticipating this event that we are going to host, okay? The party is just one example, unfortunately.
And I'm gonna open this episode with a story, um, about a party that I was hosting a few weeks ago.
So I was getting ready for this party, and I found myself doing the things that I've done like a hundred times, right? I walked the house like a contractor walks a job site before an inspection, and I am moving through each room, and I have a checklist running in my head, um, just kinda ticking off things that need to be handled.
It's just I can't not see the things that need to be done, right? Like the tablecloths that I ordered, where did those go, right? The gravel that got kicked onto the front walk from the pavers, like I need to sweep that before the guests get here.
Do I have time to touch that up? You know, where is that balloon arch gonna go? How are we gonna get directional signs for where people need to be when they're arriving? Nobody asked me to notice the trim.
Nobody assigned me like, "Hey, you probably need to think about are there things that need to be done here?" The, the inventory list that I'm running is entirely self-generated.
But there I am, and I'm like walking around our house, um, at like seven in the morning being the general contractor for this event that is supposed to be a fun thing.
But in that moment, when we are a couple of days out for an event and I am starting to accumulate this list of things that still need to be handled, what I am feeling in that moment is not joy.
And I can't really name it because I know it's self-inflicted, and it's all coming from this list that exists only in my head, and no one around me seems to have any, um, perspective or awareness or context that this list is growing, that I'm making it, that I am feeling pressured by it.
They're just happily going on about their day, pleasantly anticipating this event that we are going to host, okay? The party is just one example, unfortunately.
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