How to grow your career and family without losing yourself

I don't think most of us wake up one day and go, well, here's the day I've crossed the threshold.

There's nothing left for me.

It's more of a slippery slope.

I think the way it actually plays out in real time is that it's more of a slippery slope.

I'll just give a little bit more to work.

I've got to stay a little bit later at the office.

I have to give a little bit more at home because the dynamics are changing.

And it's like we very slowly and almost invisibly get crowded out.

Well, at some point, you know, there's that book that's been on your nightstand for three months with the same bookmark in it.

And there's that girl's trip that keeps getting moved and then it gets moved again and then it just gets moved to someday and it hasn't happened, right, in years.

And there's that hobby that used to be really life-giving and you loved it and you did it regularly but you haven't touched it since God knows when.

Okay, these are not frivolous things, right? These are not nice to haves and extras.

These are the things that make you you.

They make you feel like yourself.

They make me feel like myself.

And when they go away, when you have to live without them for long enough, you notice it.

It's not invisible.

And it doesn't show up like acute grief, right? It's not like, oh, all of a sudden one day I used to do this six days a week and now I don't do it at all.

And, oh, I feel this acute grief.

You know, like let's say you were a runner and you have an injury.

And all of a sudden you can't run anymore.

That's acute grief.

Like, you know what that feels like because you were doing it full tilt and then you're not doing it at all.

That's not really how this works.

This works more like it gets chipped away little by little, piece by piece.