My Daughter With BPD Quit Her Job. What I Said Next.

I think Julie, you speak to an experience that many parents and family members I work with have, which doesn't get a lot of attention, which is the feeling of aloneness and at times almost guilt or shame because all you want to do is help your child.

And that experience of helplessness, it's so easy to blame ourselves.

I'm curious, like, like how did you experience this field of mental health?

I actually think the people that we sought out were very, very good.

But she never got a diagnosis until she was 19 or 20.

And this had been going on for a long time.

And so I think they were helpful for maybe some of the co-occurring things.

But it just didn't seem to help the dynamic, you know, how we were getting along and everything.

So it was more frustrating because I thought, you know, we didn't ignore it.

Like we had her in therapy 10 or 11 years old and just tried different things and psychiatry and maybe there's a prescription that might help.

But it was just getting worse.

Well, it was frustrating and didn't know how to navigate it, frankly.

When you would approach, let's say, mental health providers about your own feeling of helplessness or frustration, how would they respond?

Not always kindly, you know, that we might have been the problem.

So it was kind of your exclusionary.

I think once when she was about 10 or 11, somebody told us to get a book on validation.

So we did.

But other than that, in those early years, there was just not much.

And I really think it's important for family members to hear this.

Like when we were talking about an invalidating environment, the goal is not to communicate any blame or shame.

Everyone, both the folks with emotion dysregulation and their loved ones, are doing the best they can with what they know, what they've learned.

Like no one is trying to live in suffering.

I'm curious, like how does it feel for you hearing this way that I'm laying it out?

No, I love it because I love the way you normalize invalidation because when we first heard, you know, that we had an invalidating family environment or we could have had one, I was like, what the heck? Now you're saying that I'm part of this? And yet, when I realized that even the well-intentioned, the I'm sure you can do it, honey.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I think Julie, you speak to an experience that many parents and family members I work with have, which doesn't get a lot of attention, which is the feeling of aloneness and at times almost guilt or shame because all you want to do is help your child.

And that experience of helplessness, it's so easy to blame ourselves.

I'm curious, like, like how did you experience this field of mental health?

I actually think the people that we sought out were very, very good.

But she never got a diagnosis until she was 19 or 20.

And this had been going on for a long time.

And so I think they were helpful for maybe some of the co-occurring things.

But it just didn't seem to help the dynamic, you know, how we were getting along and everything.

So it was more frustrating because I thought, you know, we didn't ignore it.

Like we had her in therapy 10 or 11 years old and just tried different things and psychiatry and maybe there's a prescription that might help.

But it was just getting worse.

Well, it was frustrating and didn't know how to navigate it, frankly.

When you would approach, let's say, mental health providers about your own feeling of helplessness or frustration, how would they respond?

Not always kindly, you know, that we might have been the problem.

So it was kind of your exclusionary.

I think once when she was about 10 or 11, somebody told us to get a book on validation.

So we did.

But other than that, in those early years, there was just not much.

And I really think it's important for family members to hear this.

Like when we were talking about an invalidating environment, the goal is not to communicate any blame or shame.

Everyone, both the folks with emotion dysregulation and their loved ones, are doing the best they can with what they know, what they've learned.

Like no one is trying to live in suffering.

I'm curious, like how does it feel for you hearing this way that I'm laying it out?

No, I love it because I love the way you normalize invalidation because when we first heard, you know, that we had an invalidating family environment or we could have had one, I was like, what the heck? Now you're saying that I'm part of this? And yet, when I realized that even the well-intentioned, the I'm sure you can do it, honey.

Oh, don't worry about that.