The 2008 Algorithm With A 2026 Personality, F*(k)t Checking Immigration Scapegoating, AUS Eyeing UN and EU

Leaders of the main Scottish, Northern Irish and Welsh nationalist parties declared at a meeting that they have the right to choose whether to stay in the United Kingdom, with all three seeing their future as nations within the European Union instead.

Starting to sound like it isn't so much the United part that's the problem, but maybe it's the Kingdom part? Or more realistically, just the English part? But who could say? In what news.com.au is calling a surprising revelation, South African-born voters are the strongest supporters of one nation out of any migrant group.

Now, that is an interesting use of the word surprising.

I mean, really, are we surprised that the former apartheid state that believed in white supremacy so hard they tried to start a white ethnostate in Africa would take a liking to the populist, racist rhetoric of the Michael Jordan of Australian racism? Pauline, we're being swamped by immigrants.

Hanson, A woman so against non-white people, she would actually take offense to the phrase, the Michael Jordan of? South Africans who fled anti-apartheid Africa.

You know their motto.

Surely we can get away with this somewhere.

Ed Sheeran opened a solo concert in Philadelphia with comments about Gaza, saying what's happening is catastrophic and unjustifiable.

For those upset by this, well, in Ed's defence, he then ended the very same concert by apologising for making the opening statements.

Like a true centrist coward.

A human centipede that folds back into itself so hard it forms a self-satisfying Ouroboros that has swallowed so much of its own shit you genuinely wonder how it has survived so long.

Now earlier this year I entered a Ed Sheeran lookalike competition because, you know, I thought that that might be fun and ended up coming in third place.

Turns out that was because when I got on stage I actually advocated for a free Palestine.

and was promptly informed that the real Ed Sheeran would never make such a bold claim on stage without immediately undercutting himself, and so, by default, I couldn't come in first place.

Victorian Labor is pledging to give pubs the right to stay open until 3 a.m. if it wins the Victorian election in November.

On top of that, the state's Food Act would be changed so that dogs will be allowed inside pubs at the discretion of publicans.

In a strategy that experts are calling the, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, we might lose this one, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, what can we do, what can we do, what can we do, um, um, um, um, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I know, I know, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, they love the pub test, right, they love the pub test, yes, yes, yes, yeah, ah, I know, I know, later drinking hours, that'll get them, that'll get them, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They might not like us, but at least they can be drunk for longer while they hate us.

Oh, oh, but it's going to be enough, is it? It's not going to be enough, is it? Oh, we need more.

We need more.

What else do they like? What else do they like? Oh, dogs, dogs.

People love dogs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now this, this is populism that people can get behind.

Strategy.