Channeling Female Rage Into Healthy Boundaries and Self-Expression [EP 239]

And well, I love using Ayurveda actually, the very basics of it in terms of the elements and how it's energy moving through us.

And the big thing when I'm working with clients is for them to understand themselves.

So when they understand themselves, they'll understand the triggers, they'll understand the values that get triggered you know so let's say for example integrity is one of my values and i see somebody not working within my expectation of what integrity is that's likely to have a trigger in me if i don't know myself then a reactive way of expressing that anger might be to gossip to have a go at them to sabotage them to really go under the line in terms of my behavior Whereas if I understand that integrity is a value of mine, but I also understand that people don't have the same values as me, I can then create a gap between the stimulus and my response.

So the information comes in instead of getting triggered straight away and reacting in a childish way or in a way that is unevolved and which then will often lead to me looking like I'm the one in the wrong.

You take a step back, you create that distance between the trigger and the response, and then you ask yourself, what's a more helpful way of dealing with the situation in hand but you can only do that if one you know who you are as a person and that means knowing what you value and what's important to you and then two being present enough to catch yourself in those moments where you are being reactive So when I'm working with clients, I want first for them to understand themselves as a human, two, to understand the physiology and what happens when we get triggered and for them to be able to very quickly dial themselves back.

And three, to use the concepts of Ayurveda and the elements so that they can kind of see when they're leaning more towards overplaying.

the fire and the element of fire.

Often when I'm working with people, they don't really, they don't realize that it's not the guy that's cut them up in the car park or it's the person on the sports field who happens to have given, who sledged them.

It's not that particular moment.

It's the buildup of frustration that's come to that point.

So what we want to be doing is understanding and getting to know ourselves and being self-aware enough to know that we're kind of moving on to that point of friction.

And if that's one thing is going to be the straw that hits the camel's back, then we know that's too little too late.

So understanding themselves is really important.

Yeah, there's like this conversation isn't to give every woman out there an excuse to be like, okay, well, let's go.

Let's get a baseball bat and let our rage out on our partner's car or, you know, whatever.

Just react and respond in with rage.

It's about understanding that it is part of human experience.

And if we suppress it.

for too long, then there will be health, like health, it will be a detriment to our health and we won't be living in our higher self and we won't have the tools to communicate about our feelings and our emotions to move us through that.

So I think with healthy rage we are looking at understanding how we're feeling and then putting in those boundaries speaking up for yourself like these are all ways that you can release and deal with that sort of you know internal rage we're calling it it doesn't mean that you're going out and lashing out is there any other ways that you can think of is like a healthy way that we can deal with the feelings of rage

Yeah, well, again, and I can only speak for my upbringing, I wasn't taught how to process emotions, good ones or bad ones or, you know, perceived good or bad.

It was just something that happened.

And then, you know, I grew up in a household where it was quite normal to have shouting and for there to be miscommunications.

And so I just assumed that that was normal.

And his family were very different.

And well, I love using Ayurveda actually, the very basics of it in terms of the elements and how it's energy moving through us.

And the big thing when I'm working with clients is for them to understand themselves.

So when they understand themselves, they'll understand the triggers, they'll understand the values that get triggered you know so let's say for example integrity is one of my values and i see somebody not working within my expectation of what integrity is that's likely to have a trigger in me if i don't know myself then a reactive way of expressing that anger might be to gossip to have a go at them to sabotage them to really go under the line in terms of my behavior Whereas if I understand that integrity is a value of mine, but I also understand that people don't have the same values as me, I can then create a gap between the stimulus and my response.

So the information comes in instead of getting triggered straight away and reacting in a childish way or in a way that is unevolved and which then will often lead to me looking like I'm the one in the wrong.

You take a step back, you create that distance between the trigger and the response, and then you ask yourself, what's a more helpful way of dealing with the situation in hand but you can only do that if one you know who you are as a person and that means knowing what you value and what's important to you and then two being present enough to catch yourself in those moments where you are being reactive So when I'm working with clients, I want first for them to understand themselves as a human, two, to understand the physiology and what happens when we get triggered and for them to be able to very quickly dial themselves back.

And three, to use the concepts of Ayurveda and the elements so that they can kind of see when they're leaning more towards overplaying.

the fire and the element of fire.

Often when I'm working with people, they don't really, they don't realize that it's not the guy that's cut them up in the car park or it's the person on the sports field who happens to have given, who sledged them.

It's not that particular moment.

It's the buildup of frustration that's come to that point.

So what we want to be doing is understanding and getting to know ourselves and being self-aware enough to know that we're kind of moving on to that point of friction.

And if that's one thing is going to be the straw that hits the camel's back, then we know that's too little too late.

So understanding themselves is really important.

Yeah, there's like this conversation isn't to give every woman out there an excuse to be like, okay, well, let's go.

Let's get a baseball bat and let our rage out on our partner's car or, you know, whatever.

Just react and respond in with rage.

It's about understanding that it is part of human experience.

And if we suppress it.

for too long, then there will be health, like health, it will be a detriment to our health and we won't be living in our higher self and we won't have the tools to communicate about our feelings and our emotions to move us through that.

So I think with healthy rage we are looking at understanding how we're feeling and then putting in those boundaries speaking up for yourself like these are all ways that you can release and deal with that sort of you know internal rage we're calling it it doesn't mean that you're going out and lashing out is there any other ways that you can think of is like a healthy way that we can deal with the feelings of rage

Yeah, well, again, and I can only speak for my upbringing, I wasn't taught how to process emotions, good ones or bad ones or, you know, perceived good or bad.

It was just something that happened.

And then, you know, I grew up in a household where it was quite normal to have shouting and for there to be miscommunications.

And so I just assumed that that was normal.

And his family were very different.