Oct 18, 2026 · 2 min · 4 segments
Groucho Marx guested on Jolson's Kraft Music Hall on 23 Oct 47 and had this routine about Jolson seeing Groucho as a physician. Eerily, this was exactly three years before Jolson died of a heart…
I'm here to examine you.
Take off your shades.
Take off your tongue.
Open your wallet and I'll say ah.
Groucho,
you're no doctor, you're an actor.
Wait a minute.
I saw your last picture.
You're a doctor.
I saw your last picture.
You weren't even chosen.
Now, quiet, Asa.
Hey, what part of Asia are you from? Now,
wait a
minute, wait a minute.
Quiet there, will you? Let me count your pulse.
It's two.
How come I post the only two? One on each wrist.
What? Johnson, I'm going to call an ambulance.
I don't need an ambulance.
I do.
I'm tired and I don't want to walk back to my office.
Braco.
You mean you hung out your shingle? I did, but I had to put it back.
I'm here to examine you.
Take off your shades.
Take off your tongue.
Open your wallet and I'll say ah.
Groucho,
you're no doctor, you're an actor.
Wait a minute.
I saw your last picture.
You're a doctor.
I saw your last picture.
You weren't even chosen.
Now, quiet, Asa.
Hey, what part of Asia are you from? Now,
wait a
minute, wait a minute.
Quiet there, will you? Let me count your pulse.
It's two.
How come I post the only two? One on each wrist.
What? Johnson, I'm going to call an ambulance.
I don't need an ambulance.
I do.
I'm tired and I don't want to walk back to my office.
Braco.
You mean you hung out your shingle? I did, but I had to put it back.
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