Sep 24, 2026 · 28 min · 8 segments
Have you ever asked a simple question only to find yourself defending your entire character? In this episode of the ADHD Scapegoat Podcast, we explore the frustrating and confusing experience of…
So because there's a difference between like what you're actually doing, what your intention is and what they're assigning to you.
So they're basically setting you up with a verdict before any evidence.
Right.
So, I mean, that's exhausting because they're not answering questions.
like are responding to your behavior and you're not really trying like like thinking I needed to explain my motive that I didn't have like you're not expecting any of that to happen so here's an example I was just trying to keep in communication with my sister why is that a problem and the response could be like no no you're not you're just meddling you're You say, huh? What? It's, this is part of being the scapegoat that gets so freaking confusing because like when this is first happening and you're starting to like finally see the pattern, it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What? How did you go from there to there? you know, have you already decided what my intention is? Like, do you have information that I don't have? Like, what's going on here? Like, how can that be? Like, I haven't even talked to you about this.
Like, where's this coming from? It's like so many questions start coming up for you because it doesn't make any sense.
And as the scapegoat, once they decide you have malicious intent, everything gets filtered through that assumption.
You're curious, well, now you're intrusive.
You're concerned, well, now you're controlling.
You're cautious, that's negative.
You're skeptical, just being so difficult.
You're trying to understand, you're being manipulative and controlling.
When your intentions are put through this filter, no one's even asking you a question.
No one's even asking what your intentions are.
They aren't even asking what your concern is.
It's just the filter.
It's already set up.
It doesn't matter what you said.
So this can be especially damaging because when this happens repeatedly, and it does in these toxic and abusive situations, you don't just stop asking questions.
They're always there, but...
A lot of times, especially when those aren't your intentions to be malicious and you are a good person.
So it's like these intentions that they're throwing at you is something like you wouldn't even ever think of.
You start questioning yourself.
You're like self-reflecting.
So because there's a difference between like what you're actually doing, what your intention is and what they're assigning to you.
So they're basically setting you up with a verdict before any evidence.
Right.
So, I mean, that's exhausting because they're not answering questions.
like are responding to your behavior and you're not really trying like like thinking I needed to explain my motive that I didn't have like you're not expecting any of that to happen so here's an example I was just trying to keep in communication with my sister why is that a problem and the response could be like no no you're not you're just meddling you're You say, huh? What? It's, this is part of being the scapegoat that gets so freaking confusing because like when this is first happening and you're starting to like finally see the pattern, it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What? How did you go from there to there? you know, have you already decided what my intention is? Like, do you have information that I don't have? Like, what's going on here? Like, how can that be? Like, I haven't even talked to you about this.
Like, where's this coming from? It's like so many questions start coming up for you because it doesn't make any sense.
And as the scapegoat, once they decide you have malicious intent, everything gets filtered through that assumption.
You're curious, well, now you're intrusive.
You're concerned, well, now you're controlling.
You're cautious, that's negative.
You're skeptical, just being so difficult.
You're trying to understand, you're being manipulative and controlling.
When your intentions are put through this filter, no one's even asking you a question.
No one's even asking what your intentions are.
They aren't even asking what your concern is.
It's just the filter.
It's already set up.
It doesn't matter what you said.
So this can be especially damaging because when this happens repeatedly, and it does in these toxic and abusive situations, you don't just stop asking questions.
They're always there, but...
A lot of times, especially when those aren't your intentions to be malicious and you are a good person.
So it's like these intentions that they're throwing at you is something like you wouldn't even ever think of.
You start questioning yourself.
You're like self-reflecting.
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