Jun 15, 2026 · 30 min · 9 segments
Moving abroad is exciting, transformative, and often romanticised. But what about the friendships that quietly change along the way? In Part 1 of our three-part miniseries, What Nobody Tells You…
Sarah AnnHost
So what and when, Jan, for yourself, do you think that it has first hit you that your friendship dynamics were changing after you first moved abroad? Did you feel that there was a specific moment in time when you experienced this moment of, wow, so this is how it looks like now, completely different from a friendship POV?
Yeah, this is something that I think about quite a lot because I have previously moved for work as well back in 2020.
And then now moving again as well, I think closer to my 30s.
And to be honest, it's never just one big moment.
But for me, it's like a series of mini moments.
not to say mini, but a series of different events, right? Smaller sort of missed milestone moments that happen in the lives of those who I'm very close to.
For example, super close girlfriends getting married and that you just have no choice but to participate.
If you're lucky, you get to participate via Zoom, right? Just to watch them tie the knot.
And then more recently, of course, our bestie cousin, Pris, who also just gave birth and just following their journey from afar, not being able to show up personally and just be there and participate in the joyous occasion, be there with them through the challenges as well.
And I think initially I took it quite seriously.
hard I would say it really did affect me quite a lot especially for the gals that I grew up with for many years and for me it was just like oh my goodness it is a huge milestone moment for you to get married give birth and I can't even be there with you in person I'm just seeing you through a tiny screen sending you flowers and just hopes and prayers and hoping you're all okay and a part of me just feels am I doing enough right am I showing up in the best way that I can do they feel the love that I actually really feel, that kind of FOMO, I wish I was there in person for you kind of thing.
But yeah, I think what I've realized is distance doesn't just create that physical space, but if you were to not be intentional about it, it does end up creating that drift between your friendships.
But yeah, that's how it has been for me.
But what about you, Sarah? I know this is something we talk a lot about as well, but how has it impacted the way you think about friendship dynamics when you first moved abroad?
Yeah, honestly, Jan, this is such a beautiful and difficult topic to talk and just to discuss because obviously it's life.
So I 100% agree with you in that there wasn't this one big event, but it's really a series of small ones whereby you recognize... slowly and eventually as you are noticing that life will still continue to happen even when you're abroad and separate from each other and so the recent one being like we've spoken about already one of our besties popped a baby and another of my bestie that got proposed to both of them in Malaysia and for myself to just experience all these joyous occasions but from afar or just on a screen or It just has been really beautiful, but also heartbreaking at the same time because you want to be able to celebrate with them, but you can only do so much, right? So it's like this mindset of how do you be intentional to show up and celebrate their milestones, but from afar? And I'm sure we all know this, right? We can never just swing by or I'm around the corner, I'm just going to pop by unannounced or just do those hangouts that we normally do.
But there is a quiet grief that exists when you know that your celebration will never be in actual proximity with them.
So I guess these are the realities of adulting, the realities of friendship living abroad that we have intentionally or unintentionally signed ourselves up to.
Yeah, and I'm just thinking about those moments where we've had like, SOS, something crappy just happened and then one of us would be like, I'm coming over with like pastries and coffee.
And yeah, I think you're right.
So what and when, Jan, for yourself, do you think that it has first hit you that your friendship dynamics were changing after you first moved abroad? Did you feel that there was a specific moment in time when you experienced this moment of, wow, so this is how it looks like now, completely different from a friendship POV?
Yeah, this is something that I think about quite a lot because I have previously moved for work as well back in 2020.
And then now moving again as well, I think closer to my 30s.
And to be honest, it's never just one big moment.
But for me, it's like a series of mini moments.
not to say mini, but a series of different events, right? Smaller sort of missed milestone moments that happen in the lives of those who I'm very close to.
For example, super close girlfriends getting married and that you just have no choice but to participate.
If you're lucky, you get to participate via Zoom, right? Just to watch them tie the knot.
And then more recently, of course, our bestie cousin, Pris, who also just gave birth and just following their journey from afar, not being able to show up personally and just be there and participate in the joyous occasion, be there with them through the challenges as well.
And I think initially I took it quite seriously.
hard I would say it really did affect me quite a lot especially for the gals that I grew up with for many years and for me it was just like oh my goodness it is a huge milestone moment for you to get married give birth and I can't even be there with you in person I'm just seeing you through a tiny screen sending you flowers and just hopes and prayers and hoping you're all okay and a part of me just feels am I doing enough right am I showing up in the best way that I can do they feel the love that I actually really feel, that kind of FOMO, I wish I was there in person for you kind of thing.
But yeah, I think what I've realized is distance doesn't just create that physical space, but if you were to not be intentional about it, it does end up creating that drift between your friendships.
But yeah, that's how it has been for me.
But what about you, Sarah? I know this is something we talk a lot about as well, but how has it impacted the way you think about friendship dynamics when you first moved abroad?
Yeah, honestly, Jan, this is such a beautiful and difficult topic to talk and just to discuss because obviously it's life.
So I 100% agree with you in that there wasn't this one big event, but it's really a series of small ones whereby you recognize... slowly and eventually as you are noticing that life will still continue to happen even when you're abroad and separate from each other and so the recent one being like we've spoken about already one of our besties popped a baby and another of my bestie that got proposed to both of them in Malaysia and for myself to just experience all these joyous occasions but from afar or just on a screen or It just has been really beautiful, but also heartbreaking at the same time because you want to be able to celebrate with them, but you can only do so much, right? So it's like this mindset of how do you be intentional to show up and celebrate their milestones, but from afar? And I'm sure we all know this, right? We can never just swing by or I'm around the corner, I'm just going to pop by unannounced or just do those hangouts that we normally do.
But there is a quiet grief that exists when you know that your celebration will never be in actual proximity with them.
So I guess these are the realities of adulting, the realities of friendship living abroad that we have intentionally or unintentionally signed ourselves up to.
Yeah, and I'm just thinking about those moments where we've had like, SOS, something crappy just happened and then one of us would be like, I'm coming over with like pastries and coffee.
And yeah, I think you're right.
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