Tell us the story from there.

Yeah, I was sure I was about to live my best life now.

And for a while, I was living my best life.

I went away to college, had that job where I did make a few mistakes in banking.

But I went to Stanford, met and married a classmate, and things were great.

but then they weren't I had four miscarriages then I had a daughter named Katie and then I was 20 weeks pregnant with our son when I found out he had a heart problem he had surgery at birth was doing great but he was doing so well the doctor impulsively took him off all of his medicine saying he didn't need it anymore and two two days later he died And at his funeral, I remember saying, God never makes a mistake.

But after that, I wanted to pull all of those words back because it felt like God had really made a mistake and life wasn't the way I expected it to be.

I'm, i'm a foodie rebecca so that was

I mean, you're like,

okay, I got a little extra fat.

Now I got, you know, I mean, we just all look at my nose different.

You know, I don't like my nose.

And then there's the, do I talk too much? Do I, you know, did I not give him enough space? Did he like this? Did I not do this? You know, just so many ifs.

And then there was for me like, hey, when we got married, I was this pretty able-bodied person.

And now it's not looking good.

You're going through trauma as a family.

You're walking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, lived in Boston, had my dream job, walked to work, lived on Beacon Hill.

This prestigious thing was all into my career.

Went to grad school, met and married a classmate.

It was great.

you have a perspective like of suffering that makes sense?

Yeah

... learned about lament.

And then six years after my son died, I was diagnosed with post-polio syndrome, and I didn't know what that meant.

But basically, it means my body is going backwards.

So you know, I used to walk to work.

I had a very normal life, and now I use a wheelchair.

My arms are super weak.

Mm-hmm.

Vanitha, let's start off with you.

you.Yeah.

So, um, probably my, um, advice is also for somebody who is divorced.

So just um, but I would say your identity is not in your marital status.

I, I really felt that it was for a long time.

I was a wife and a mom, and that's what I did and so recognizing our identity is in Christ, and that really, really changed things for me when I recognized that and that you, you do belong in the church.

Whereas, I feel like often there is a sense of shame wh- when you're divorced in the church.

Benitha, what did your church do well?