I don't

know how to get out of it, but could I do something different? Or I'm stressed and overwhelmed.

Yeah.

And maybe as a mom, I feel like I shouldn't be.

And I feel all the pressure of what everybody says I should be able to do.

And I should just be happy about things all the time.

If you're able to say something's not right... then you could admit what you need to work on.

That's good.

Mm

... that actually compensated and helped keep you alive all this time." So the, the idea there, as I said, we have our adaptive skills, the internal resources, the protective resources, the external, but then there's the preventive choices.

What could you do today, and this is my favorite coaching question around this, if you were looking back five or 10 years from now, in any area of your life, your relationships, your finances, your health, what would you wish you had done? And so that's what happened with my dad.

It was like because he had made some other good choices not knowing there was a problem-

That's good.

Control the controllable.

So we know this is a psychological, uh, concept of internal locus of control.

The people who are most resilient and most successful have an internal locus of control.

Right.

How do you react to it? Um, and then it's those protective resources.

That's the external stuff that you call on that helps you be more resilient, things like money or past experience or connections that you have that could help you be more resilient.

The third piece is not one I had heard said in quite the same way, and it's preventive choices.

That is not necessarily for right now the challenge you're dealing with.

It's about how your choices impact whether you're gonna need to be resilient in the future or not.

So how do you reduce your risk for challenges occurring in the future? We can't eliminate them, but if we're really intentional about making preventive choices, we lower the likelihood that we're gonna deal with adversity in the first place.

Right.

Like, "Hey, head and rear down, do this, and, and the results will come." So talk about resilience as a system.

Yeah.

So what a system also does is it helps you diagnose, [laughs] right?Where you could strengthen elements of your system that would lift you to the level, uh, where you need to be.

And so I think this is super important.

Uh, our system is adaptive skills.

This is the internal.

What's going on in your mind when you're faced with a stressor or a challenge, what are you saying to yourself? What is your attitude? What are your beliefs? Because that determines how you react to the challenge.

What would be a technique or a, a, something you would help somebody with how to turn off the rotisserie and move on to, you know, whatever's noble, whatever's good? How do I think about the pleasant stuff and kinda replace the one that's, that's haunting me?

How do I think about the pleasant stuff and kind of replace the one that's haunting me?

Yeah.

Psychologists call it ruminating.

We can get stuck ruminating, especially on the negative.

So it takes practice.

It's not that we change our thoughts with replacing it one time.

It's over and over again.

How can we tell the difference between gritting it out and sinking? You know, it's like sometimes there is a time to give it up, right, and move on.