And, and likewise, what if the, what if her partner is, is more, you know, his libido or, um, his desire is much stronger? So how, how do they navigate that without blame or pressure?

I think the people come into it as it being like a debate, being, you know, a battle of, um, taking or maybe taking it personally and saying, you know, "Are you not attracted to me?" You know, "Why aren't you interested in sex?" It's like i- it's almost a interrogation as opposed to a conversation, and I think that it's really more, again, but that being curious of y- you know, what creates a sense of interest in sex, and is it...

For a lot of people, it's feeling safe, it's feeling seen, it's feeling, um, y- appreciated, these different things.

And so when a couple comes together and they're, they're struggling with a discrepancy in their desire, one thing I often tell them is it, it's really rare that you see a couple that have very m- Uh, like ex-- uh, let's say exact desire level.

It's [clears throat] and also it can ebb and flow.

Begi- again, be- because there's things that influence that.

But if you go into the conversation about, "Here's what I'm noticing.

... um, what it's about, and where can we get this?

Mm-hmm

... they're gonna be different likely, and they're also gonna be amped up because we're coming from right now there's a distress around sex, right? So then if you ask, okay, let's imagine sex is a- is available and there's n- you know, it- you guys are having it on some form of a regular basis.

How often do you think you reasonably enjoy having sex? That when you're having it, it feels, what quality, and, um, you're not checking a box.

And that number will shift.

So, and that, again, the idea that it's only men who are like, "I want it all the time," and th- "She never w- in the mood," it can be the other way around.

And that can be confusing for women too because they're like, "Wait, I thought men always wanted it.

Ooh, or something must really be wrong, or you must not be attracted to me." And it might be that we just have d- they have different j- you know, there's a discrepancy in sexual desire, or the male partner is having a lot of stress, or he's not feeling good about his own body.

So can you explain that to everyone? 'Cause people don't know this.