Did you ever have a desire to be in the military?

You know, Phil, I'm gonna tell you something.

When I was growing up, a lot of the guys that I went to school with, uh, went into a career in the military.

The Army, they went to the Navy, and, and so on.

And, and they went in-- I went into business with my father after high school because I was, uh, you know, maybe I was a little bit nervous about, uh, going into the military.

Why should I get shot for somebody else's war? That was my feeling.

And every opportunity my friends had, they stuck it to me, calling me a fairy, this and that.

I think it's very cynical to say, "Well, if he dies, I hope he had one of my steaks." That's a, that's a mother who's afraid for the life of her son.

What do you mean? I mean, well, you know

what I'm doing? I'm taking care of my health so I don't have a handicapped placard.

So therefore, I don't get good parking.

So therefore, I got to drive around for 40 minutes.

So I wanted to make an announcement on your show.

I am now utilizing the handicapped parking spaces in Beverly Hills.

This is also gone over to my attorney, Barry Cosgrove, and you know Barry.

Did he have a handicap placard?

Thanks for being with us, and have a happy New Year, I hope, so far.

Bill, I've had a wonderful New Year, and the very best to you and your listeners, your entire family, your listening audience.

And it's been a wonderful year for Ted's Beverly Hills.

We're looking forward to another great year.

We are featuring on our Sunday afternoons a...

Hold on.

I got what? I'm on the radio right now.

It's two life forms, yeah.

what does that mean exactly? Well,

it means that it's business, and that means it's either somebody, if my cell phone rings, see, business line is one thing, our home line is something else.

But if my cell phone rings, that means that I've got stock information.

That means that I have got some.

It could be a long distance originating from Japan or Hong Kong.

As you know, Phil, I own a couple of gentlemen's clubs in Tokyo which specialize in presenting what we consider to be the very finest in European and American female exotic dancers.

There's a lot of money tied up in that.

We'll continue with this, all right? But I'm...

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Yeah.

You set off your car alarm all night long, and no one came out.

Nobody came out.

Point made.

People don't care.

I could be out there being robbed, being roughed up.

You don't know what kind of gangbangers or street hooligans.

These kinds of kids, these skateboard punks.

Actually, that was one of our

I just saw the brief notice in today's Beverly Hills newspaper.

Well, Phil, women that do manual labor, I want to be very clear about this.

I'm not talking about women who are police officers, but women that do manual construction labor run the risk of disorienting men.

It is a very shocking and a very jarring thing to see a woman, as I did, One of my neighbors, Kim Nelson, who's an attorney, and now I look out my window and I see her doing her own masonry work on a brick wall that she's putting up along my property line.

Now, I went out along with Chuck Wildgood from the city, and we measured.

She's well off the property line because city code calls for about three feet, but that's not the point.

What's the story?

Well, the story is this.

We've got to come back, okay?

Well, get rid of her.

Let's get some young...

I think what you need to do in your program is get some young chicks, not some old bag.

You know what? I hope that a lot of people in California will be listening to this and not even visit his steakhouse because everyone that I know, and I live on the Central Coast,

Laura, you're not going to be getting down to Beverly Hills anytime soon.

And I can tell you this, once you slip a piece of Ted's of Beverly Hills juicy steak in between your lips...

Oh, no, I'll never slip anything of his.

Is that road racing?

That is European road racing, open-wheel cars, some of the great drivers of all time.

Whether you want to talk about Nigel Mansell, whether you want to talk about Jimmy Clark, Graham Hill, some of the great drivers.

I like that, personally.

And Texas Beverly Hills, of course, as you mentioned, Phil, we have some of the great Grand Prix drivers who've come in and We have a bar and restaurant where they can have a drink and not be bothered by, I guess, the fan base.

I think a lot of these guys just want to relax.

We serve the kind of liquors that a ground-free driver would enjoy.

Okay.

you guys even work together if this is how you feel about each other? Well...

Ah, fuck it.

Yeah, there you go.

What I said, Phil, is that when he said to me that he wanted...

Excuse me, I'd be like...

Look, he's so interested, he's yawning.

I had to yawn, okay? When you said to me, when he said to me, he wanted a dessert based on impeachment, the impeachment of Donald Trump, and I came up with peach cobbler or anything.

that? No, we don't have kids listening, but you know what I'm saying?

Why can't you be seen behind the wheel of a Mercedes? Was it a Mercedes?

Mercedes E-Series filled with plastic vinyl seats.

Absolutely just the wrong...

My Jag has got burled wood.

It's got leather interior.

It is top of the line with a Zuber Sport package.

And all of a sudden, they give me this Mercedes with the vinyl and...

You're a sponsor on my show.

You don't have to mention that, man.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

But the point being is the finger steak is something that we've pioneered here at Ted's Beverly Hills.

We take a beautiful piece of sirloin.

Just gorgeously cooked, the beautiful, beautiful rare interior, and of course, lightly grilled on the outside.

We cut it into strips finger size.

With the sports report from Minneapolis, and I'll tell you, it is a big, big win for the Los Angeles Dodgers in the National League Championship Series, Jack.

What about it? What will be some of the features?

Well, the Topanga Veranda is going to have a variety of features.

It's going to have, for instance, the fire pit that I mentioned.

It'll have palm fronds.

You know, a bunch of stuff.

Don't worry about it.

So the reason why I'm saying all of this is that's going to kick business into second gear, okay? What about third and fourth gear? Don't worry about it.

Why don't you tell Phil you could do it in a more lawyerly way?

don't know ted when you talk about

the whole i just want to play with the car eighty-five thousand dollar card my wife sister and her and her son my nephew come over for new year's day and we have dinner and my wife suggested beth and her son come out and take a look at the new car and uh... already are beginning to feel Something isn't quite right because my wife's sister is not exactly a big fan of mine.

Now, I'm talking about anybody in your listening audience, Phil, who knows anything about cars, the new car smell.

Now, this is worth about $3,000, as I said.

I don't expect anybody in your audience to know what I'm talking about when I talk about the Jaguar Van Damme, blah, 370 horse.

What I want to comment on, though, is that you struck this boy.

Phil, I really resent you using the word strike.

Well, did you spank him? I spanked the boy.

Well, you know, when you finally add it all up, it's probably several million people that make the trip.

Oh, my ass.

Coach, this is the reality of the world and sport, that world football or soccer, whatever you want to call it, is very popular.

People have been calling it world football for a long time.

I think he's nervous about taking over the coaching duties there at Belmar.

I think he knows he needs to get a winning program going.

And I think he's looking for respect for the American football game.

And he's taking it way too personally that they call it world football.

he was talking

to her about how he flies first class.

And he flies first class to Chicago.

He goes back to several of our stores in Miami.

And...

I sat there sort of with my jaw open, you know, wondering if this is a man who works for you, if he understands protocol.

And let me tell you what I'm talking about.

And you fly private charter jets?

How you doing, buddy?

Uh, Phil, I'm doing very good, but I, I, I would be lying to you if I said to you that I'm happy the way we've been rolling out the Ted Bell Canyon.

You know that we're paying...

I, I don't think I'm talking out of school when I tell your audience that we're paying a, a pretty, pretty penny, uh, to your c- to your show.

Uh, and you know, I don't know where, you know...

It sounds lame.

Well, I think so, too, but what I'd like to call it is Ted Canyon or Ted's Canyon.

Welcome to Ted's Canyon.

Ted, what is buck chuck? 'Cause I've never heard about it either.

Never heard about it, like somebody's walking up and down the street going, "Hey, buck chuck." Buck chuck is a form of chuck, chuck, ground chuck.And it's the buck end of the chuck.

The chuck is, is, is slang for cow or steer.

The buck end is the large fatty portion, and then you get the buck chuck.

You got chuck, and you know, some people make a big joke, it's just, "What's the name of your cow?" "Chuck." And, "I thought you named him Charlie." We do a lot of jokes like that.

But the fact of the matter is-

Ted, go ahead.

Hey, Bob, it's Ted Re- It's Ted Bell, and you almost said you were Ted Green.