It wouldn't make sense though.

Yeah.

And I spent another almost four and a half months drinking every single day.

And I found after a vacation, I ended up back at work on a Monday.

I was still in corporate at that time.

And I was going through alcohol withdrawals.

I was shaking.

It's a little quick one.

So I want to hear a little bit about the tools and modalities and how that came through for you.

Yeah.

You know, I would say the very first tool that I had probably, you know, even, well, you know, interesting spirits even pausing me right now, you know, because I go back to, I really, truly stepped into this healing journey when I left that ex-husband and, And the very first, I don't know that people necessarily identify this as a tool or a modality, you know, but the very first thing that I did was start to appreciate silence.

Yeah.

Right.

Like, you know, I he he lived in the house, you know, so he was no longer in the house anymore.

I was by myself for an entire year.

It's not small is what I'm getting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, for me, I think personally, I practice a life of sovereignty.

I, I, I, I truly know and understand what it means to be sovereign and that the, the beauty in my life, like feeling joy and happiness and love, you know, like I have, I have a daily prayer that I say, and I, I, I, it starts with gratitude.

You know, I thank the, the gods, the goddesses, the angels and the ancestors for leading me to a better life.

Right.

That's really.

Oh.

Um, first time I ever won a scratch-off, I was 18 and I went in and bought, um, and, and won a $50 scratch-off.

Um, yeah, and so I mean, I went back over and over again, and I mean, I was 16, so it's not like I had a lot of disposable income, but I, you know, um, funny thing, funny story.

I have a, one of my best friends that I've been friends with since I was seven, she, she moved recently and she goes, "I have something I have to give you." And I, and I, and I said, "What?" So we met for like lunch or dinner or whatever, and she hands me, uh, a book, and it's, uh, The Wheel of Life, which is like one of the most renowned sh- chakra, um, books that is out there.

It's been in print for, I think since the early '80s.

Um, and she hands it to me.

She goes, "I don't know when you gave this to me to read." She goes, "But it was in my stuff." And r-

Okay.

But when it gets to the point where you can't even see their name on your phone without almost throwing up, which... god i've had that like then the sight of their name is like like if you can't breathe it's like that is dysregulation that is a nervous system that is not regulated and that is addiction yep

and you know it's it's it's wild to me because i i have this conversation it's funny i had a a pretty close friend of mine we got into some discussion it's probably about three years ago so mind you i've got about i had about four years in recovery at that point they said they're a therapist so i like takes a lot of what they say to heart when they bring it up and they're like i they're like i really i really think that you've been looking at everything with a very biased lens lately like everything through this lens of addiction and you know i paused and i you know i kind of thought about it and i agreed i said you're probably right i said But I can also, but that doesn't mean it's not true.

Right? I said, I walk, like, literally, we have a prayer that I say every single day.

And we, it's part of the end of our recovery circles, our witches recovery circles that we do.

And we pray for all individuals that are still suffering from addiction, whether that addiction is drugs, alcohol, sex.

chaos, violence, drama, shopping, food, sugar, or anything that is robbing them from living their best possible lives.

Because I truly believe, right.

We do have, there are reasons why we come together with people and there can be sort of a dicey, um, relationship between okay on one hand yes and on the other hand is that that's fantasy thinking and magical thinking and also magic is real and also spirituality and metaphysical stuff is real and also there is all this amazing woo woo stuff happening um but we get into some spiritual bypassing sometimes or some fantasy so anything you'd like to say about that struck you is fine i don't really have a question as much as just take it from

was in a 12-step meeting.

And, you know, I was very blessed because the area that I live in right now, it has a very mixed population of around 50% Muslims and 50% Christians.

So when I sat at these tables, people were pretty respectful of leaving that conversation at the door.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so I was very blessed in that regards, but the truth and the reality is I still felt very strange because even though these folks left that, you know, they were willing to leave that conversation at the door.

So can we go into that part of your life where now this other part opened up for you through your sobriety?