Along with Jude, Skye runs a free monthly grief circle as an offering for people who've come through LifeRites Care through somebody who's died.

It's based on accompanying people, so there's no counseling.

It's essentially just offering a safe space for everyone to come and sit and share whatever they need to share in that moment.

It might be about their story, or it might be something that happened that week in the supermarket that just undid them.

Some people don't wish to share either, and that's also welcome.

So sometimes there are moments of silence in the space, which I think is profoundly important, and sometimes there's laughter.

Sometimes there's sharing of resources, a book that somebody might, might have read.

No. [laughs]

I've asked Skye how to write a good eulogy or choose words to share and how many people should speak.

I love to hear from somebody who knew them well to speak intimately about that person.

Even if somebody doesn't feel able to speak, if they're too upset, having their words read by somebody is really important.

In terms of the number of speakers, you know, how long is a piece of string? So if you have a lot of time on your side, if you're in a community venue as opposed to a crematorium chapel, which has 45-minute allocations of time, it can afford you a different type of expansiveness inside of your ceremony.

I mean, saying this, you don't want it to be too long either [laughs] because it's exhausting, you know? It's a labor of love, and people's hearts are open.

Um, so you wanna make sure that you're taking care of them, and, and you don't wanna be calling on them too much.

Here's Skye again.

When people see a, a body after it has died, um, for the first time, it's deeply shocking.

I don't want anyone to see me when I'm gone, 'cause I'm gone, you know? And then you can put all that paperwork aside and just enjoy life

lifeAnd it can be- get quite hectic in the ante room i- in the morning, where there might be two or three funerals, and there's hearses coming, and there's different funeral directors, or, you know, the three of us, with our deceased going, and then there's last-minute bits and pieces that things on the ante room shelf just get chucked in places.

So I've had a really enjoyable time bringing order, and now I just have to label everything, see if they stay there.

Deeply enjoyable.

So what's happening?

At the moment, I'm cleaning the toilet and the bathroom of LifeRites Boutique Funeral Home.

Hi.

[laughs]

the process of thinking.

The process of thinking.

So when someone has just died, the most important thing is to know that you need to spend time with them.

And all of those things, all of the, the planning and the busyness that will follow is secondary to that sacred moment.

And how somebody dies, where they die, the circumstances of their death will determine what will follow next.

So if somebody dies in a hospital, hospitals have their own mortuary there, and that person will need to stay with the hospital until the doctors have completed their medical cause of death certificate.

Hospitals are usually very generous with affording families space to be able to spend time with their person after they've died, to make sure that anyone significant has time to come and say farewell and have a vigil.

A funeral director will register the death of your person for you after their cremation or burial, and the death certificate comes after that.