When

the judicial system works, but the message that we receive is that it's not okay.

Just because a parent donated an egg and a sperm or showed up as a step parent or a foster parent or some or a guardian of some sort does not mean that they have the right to abuse you and that you are supposed to dismiss it and say oh that's okay she's my mother so when people used to say well you love her right because she i mean she's your mother and i'm like no she's terrible to me i don't let anybody in my life treat me that way so she doesn't get and and this is after like you know years of trying to make it work and twisting into this pretzel and twisting into that pretzel and then finally you know having good therapy and realizing that oh i don't have to tolerate anything so and then a question comes up was when is when are we tolerating versus when are we making room for, you know, or loving someone.

The answer will always be resentment.

If you do something and there's resentment behind it, it's very likely a codependent action or an obligatory reaction.

And you have to stop and ask yourself, why am I doing this? So that's my overall belief.

I also want to say, that right now you and I are intellectualizing it, right? But what happens is when you go into early childhood development and you are a baby or a young child, it is not safe for you to believe that your parents are not safe, right? Because if you go, whoa, mom and dad are kind of effed up, right? Then you're going to think, well, what's going to happen to me? Who's going to take care of me? Who's going to feed me? You really are the victim of that behavior in that age.

That's not