[laughs]

There's that, that nameless guy with the, the sunglasses.

There's a scene when they go skiing to, at Mammoth, and there's just Jamie Lee Curtis and John Travolta out on this deck, and they're hanging out, they're making out.

And then you reveal that three and a half feet away from them is a guy standing-

That'd be perfect

... how they, they, they eventually explain it, but where he goes, "I wanna, want, I wanna write a story about you," and she's like, "No.

No way.

I've been burned before." Like, as if it's a common thing.

Yeah, we found that out.

They set on fire? Gentlemen, I, I do wanna point out that, that, that condom clogging isn't the only thing we're dealing with here.

We need to m- get rid of all the sexy billboards, any magazine tow- uh, racks in town that have, uh, suggestive photos, 'cause otherwise we're gonna have a crowd of, uh, sh- 13-year-old boys jerking off and l- girls cricketing themselves to who knows what.

Thank you.

Uh, uh, gooning is where, like, you devote a whole, like, three days to masturbation.

It's basically like edging for, like, three days, and I think...

I've just watched you.

I th- I think you've got a lot of great potential.

We'd restrain them during the trip.

We have some large, uh, birds that are...

They're vicious, and they'll keep them in, in-

[laughs]

That was so fun.

[upbeat music]

Let's do a scene on that.

[laughs] Hello? Is anybody home?

Uh, yeah.

Hi.

Uh, I'm with the city, um, ordinance.

I, I'm in charge of animal we- welfare and permitting.

Um, I'm just...

It's insane.

Which, c- can you tell people a little bit about that?

I'm the owner and operator of the Bakery for Dogs at The Grove.

Uh, it's a place where you can find every kind of baked good you could ever want or need for your dog, in addition to other things that dogs should never have, like dog briefcases, dog sunglasses, dog parachutes, dog skateboards, dog cell phones, et cetera, et cetera.

Just, I mean, you know, we're making some real big strides in the, uh...

I call myself a dogstivist.

That, that a dog should not have.

Well, sure.

I mean, d- yeah, yeah.

That's where, that's where I'm tripped up

...

even if, even if my life depended on it, couldn't do it.

I'm sure there's a India River.

[laughs]

... conservation story out there now.

Yeah, I don't think the cremated corpses are the problem.

That's why you are valuable.

So before my clients say anything, I want to make sure I have all of the evidence.

Because I can't tell you how many times my clients are dead set, this happened in this way, in this way, in this way.

Because all you can know in a case like this, From what we know is that there's your perception of events in the relationship, and then there's the other person's perception of the relationship.

So you only see things through your eyes.

You don't know what's going on externally and how this other individual feels.

And so you're over here throwing punches at, no, this was fine, this was fine, this was fine, this was well-received, this was a gift, this wasn't stalking, or whatever the allegations are.

Why?

Shh.

When I read these off, I want people to understand that this is a very emotional time for me.... and as I read these, I'm letting them go.

The following is a list of foods that I recently ate at Dave & Buster's.

Smashburger, smokehouse ribs with honey glaze Atari sauce, cheese stick stack, barbacoa quesadilla, loaded barbacoa fries, Lee Iacocca onion rings, meat lover's funnel cake, pretzel dog French toast, truffle dusted lost and found salad, loaded nachos, yolked nachos, buff nachos with blue lives matter dipping sauce, punisher flag nachos with go ruck queso and a side of bullets, fajitas, lemon pepper chicken wings with Nintendo dip, berry pepper chicken wings, Red Bull pancakes with honey barbecue chunks, apple wood smoked bartender key card, aioli tasting flight, slurpee martini, jalapeno Guinness, habanero Smartwater, garlic parm banana bread, pan-fried arcade bologna, bone-in salami sliders, hand-breaded chimp strips with Sega glaze, pickle brined crispy pigeon sandwich, southwest salmon plate, northeast carp platter, four corners diarrhea bowl, beer battered onion rings, and breaded elder abuse mozzarella sticks.

All of which left me feeling very, very ill.

Oh, God.

All the...

These were playing...

(laughs) Okay, I don't know why they're branding people that way.

I- I think that's cruel, but that's- that's what I was, and I don't wanna be that anymore.

I- I- I found out that, you know, I've- I've let people s- walk all over me too much, and part of that is the physicality.

But I need to continue the- the rigid physical, uh, uh, and- and, uh, nutritional program that I'm on.

And if it, uh, I'm afraid that if I... like, can you... have you ever seen a weightlifter? Well, have you ever seen Arnold Schwarzenegger lately?

We really only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called Plugs.

Open up the plug bag.

Everybody joining in and opening up the plugs.